Tag: connections

The Art of Reaching Out

Have you gone through dry seasons in life ?? No matter what you try, things still seem disconnected and distant. Any effort you make to break free from this funk just seems to pull you in deeper and deeper. I know I’m not alone in this. Not by a long shot !!

Quick disclaimer . . . I’m not in one of those seasons (right now), but what happened over the last week because of several interactions compelled me to write about this.

You see, I’ve had MANY folks reach out to me this week. More than normal. I’ve always been a person who seeks and enjoys connecting with people. It doesn’t really matter what the circumstance or setting is. I just love having rich conversations with other humans. If you are in the midst of a challenge, I’m interested. If you are contemplating how to move forward in the midst of change, I’m interested. If you’re burned out and feel at the end of your rope, I’m interested. If life is full, joyous, and exuberant, I’m interested.

Not kidding. I believe in the art of reaching out. I hold true to this so much that I’ll keep reaching out even if you don’t respond right away. People today feel more isolated and alone than any other time I can remember. That’s ironic because we have the ability to be more connected than at any other point in the history of humanity. I find that the majority of digital connection is one-sided. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s how we’ve chosen to use the platforms. They’re far more built on proclamations instead of interactions.

The conversations I’ve had over the past week with people have been emotional, raw, deep . . . and needed. You could see people’s shoulders relax and drop before a word was ever spoken. Just to have someone sit across the table and know they were going to be heard was enough. They knew that I was going to be present and attentive, which is all they really wanted . . . from someone. I say that because they shared how they had reached out to others, and no one offered up a chance to talk. Their lives were too busy at the moment, or at least that’s what they shared.

I had conversations about challenging life situations, people who are considering changing jobs, and fun stories about recent adventures someone had taken. Each one of them took time. It was time well spent whether the conversation took ten minutes or an hour and a half. You see, the only true thing I have on this planet to offer others is my time. Yes, I can share advice or opinions, although they may not be what the other person is seeking. The thing others desire most from us is our time.

Please note – this isn’t specifically about HR (although I think the same practice should be how we all approach HR); it’s about genuinely embracing others. Acknowledging that we need each other – all the time. I’m grateful for each person who reached out to me to chat. It’s been magnificent. I reached out to others as well.

I can’t encourage you enough to develop this skill. It matters more than you know. You may never see the full impact of the time you intentionally took. That’s not the point. It’s about others. It always has been !! This week, start practicing the art of reaching out. It may be just the thing that someone needed (including yourself !!)

Take a Picture

I’m decompressing a week after my annual trek to the SHRM National Conference. It’s been something that I’ve been attending every year since 2013. There are many reasons I enjoy the event, but the essential reason I feel fulfilled going each year is the people. I relish the opportunity to be surrounded by thousands of my HR peers. Not kidding. It’s a wonderful feeling to meet and talk with those who I share a career. I mean that. Being around other HR professionals on purpose is encouraging because there’s always a sentiment that people want to connect.

Now, I know that most people at the conference don’t want to meet all of the attendees as I do. I understand that. It can be overwhelming to always have people moving in and around you. You are rarely alone. I think that’s why you’ll see many people finding a nook here or there just to pause and breathe. Some are making sure to catch up on work, while many just want a break from the sea of humans.

Another facet of the Annual Conference is that I’ve been fortunate to be a speaker since 2014. That fact alone is humbling because I never want to take it for granted. Being able to take the stage to lift my peers up and let them know that the work they do matters is something I relish. There are far too many people who still do their best to tear down the profession of HR. That continues to astonish me !! You don’t hear this same criticism for any other industry.

Because of this pressure, real or assumed, people keep trying to redefine HR. I don’t think that’s needed. Human resources has been, and always will be, about people. I’m not talking about this as if people are separate from business. That has never been true either. Business happens because of and through its people. We keep trying to create a new approach or reason for existence. It’s exhausting and doesn’t keep us focused. In fact, we’re more distracted today than ever.

This year, a simple reminder helped me remain grounded in believing the best in people. Since I’ve been at this for some time, I have been able to meet, see, and reconnect with people over the years. We greet each other with joy, smiles, and usually a hug. What is a bit odd is how many people want to take their picture with me. At each session where I present, and even while walking through the conference, people will stop me to ask if they can take a picture.

I always say yes because it is honestly humbling that someone would want to have a picture with me. There are many times when people tell me that it’s a tradition to do this every year they come to the conference. This year, a dear friend whom I met back in 2017 was able to return to SHRM. Her name is Noah Mithrush. She wrote me before we were all in Orlando and asked if she could make sure to see me and say, “Hi.” “Of course !!,” I replied. “It would be great to see you again.”

After my first session, she waited until the crowd dissipated and came to see me. She had my book that she wanted to sign since the last time she attended a SHRM Conference. I was touched that she would bring it with her just for my signature. She told me wonderful news about her engagement, and then shared something so meaningful.

“I was floored by the line of people who wanted to meet you and take a picture before you spoke. It just kept going and going.” I looked at my feet. “I know, it’s quite something, isn’t it? I never get used to it. So grateful people would like to capture this moment and memory.”

And that’s it. People long for human connection – especially HR pros. They want to have a memory for each moment that meant something to them personally. We take more pictures today than at any time in history. Our phones are filled with them. It’s a good thing.

What are we doing to be memorable in the lives of others? Is our interaction picture worthy? What if it was?

You see, we need to be mindful that every encounter with others leaves an impression. Every. One. That is why I try my best to have every interaction be one that leaves a positive impression. I’m sure there are times when I stumble, but I do my best to make that an exception.

So, if people are kind enough to ask for my picture, I will gladly take a moment to do so. I will remember them as much as they remember me. By the way, here is my picture with Noah . . .

Be a People Collector

The weather on Saturday was atrocious. The kind of weather where you don’t want to leave your house. You’d rather snuggle under a blanket and watch a movie or two. My wife and I had to put the pull of warmth and comfort aside to attend an event involving my extended family. It would take more effort because it involved a drive of over two hours. When I opened the garage door to get to my car, the wind caught my attention immediately. There were sheets of rain, making it even more blustery and miserable.

We were undaunted. We warmed up the car, I hung a sports coat up in the back seat, and we started our trip. After putting the address in the car’s GPS, we took to the road. I stopped to get a piping hot cup of Dunkin’ coffee to ensure I’d stay awake throughout the entire trip. The visibility was bleak. It was hard to see the road through the rain, and the road mist kicked up by the endless stream of semi trucks that flew past us on the highway.

We were travelling to a very small town in the center of the State – Thurston, Ohio. Neither of us had even been to this burg, but we were eager to get there. The road seemed to stretch endlessly with little to visually break up the miles. You felt like you were on a treadmill that kept spinning but never advanced. We made one pit stop to stretch our legs before venturing on. The entire trip to Thurston was uneventful, and we were grateful for that. We found that this little crossroads of a town was twenty-five minutes from any major highway.

We had to meander several miles of country roads until we came to the Thurston United Methodist Church. It was a very tiny church with an even smaller parking lot. There were cars taking up every possible space because everyone had come to celebrate the life of a family member who had passed. He was the father of my cousin. He’s technically a cousin-in-law. His wife and I are first cousins. My immediate family and the Thompsons are incredibly close. Not only are we related, but our kids grew up together. I babysat their four kids before Debbie and I had our own two kids. We wouldn’t miss this day.

The church was packed !! There wasn’t one open seat, and some people were standing in the back of the country church sanctuary. The service was traditional and filled with hymns I had sung throughout my youth. Ken “Fuzz” Thompson had lived a full life of 87 years on this planet. His daughter, Robin, and son (my cousin), Ken, shared words of remembrance. It was perfect.

A common thread that marked Ken’s life was that he was someone who instantly connected with other people. He would go out of his way to get to know you. He had an inviting demeanor, a quick wit, and was an attentive listener. You never felt like he was focused on himself. He was focused on you. During the service, he was described as a “people collector.” It was as if he were a magnet that attracted others while being humble and unassuming.

The packed church was evidence of this life well lived. When I paused to look around the room, I noticed Ken had passed on the art of collecting others to his son, who in turn had married a people collector. In fact, that describes the majority of people in my extended family. I have assumed this was a regular practice of people, but I know that it isn’t.

You see, the art of connecting with others isn’t to be self-serving or self-promoting. It’s an opportunity to make sure that people are seen, valued, heard, and encouraged. You invest your time and attention in them so they shine themselves. In fact, while Ken was nearing the end of his journey, he shared that the kids didn’t have to have a ceremony – he was fine. Then, he paused, thought about it, and said, “But you guys probably need one. You can do it if you’d like.”

The turnout of how his life impacted others in subtle, meaningful ways was evident. My hope is that you have a people collector in your life if you’re not one yourself. Life is more full, meaningful, and worthwhile when you do.

You’re On the Team !!

My life is surreal. Seriously.

For the past several years, I’ve been fortunate to give presentations around the country. I get to live out a dream I’ve had to be a public speaker. Each time I am asked to speak, I’m both geeked and humbled. Humbled because I never want to take any opportunity for granted. Geeked because I get amped up any time I get to meet my HR peers.

This week, I was invited to speak at the HR Conference for Major League Soccer (MLS) !! Our local team, FC Cincinnati, was the host location. It was so cool to have the soccer stadium as the environment where I gave my presentation. The room was filled with HR practitioners from each of the 30 MLS teams as well as folks from their corporate office. I was given 90 minutes to fill to kick off their event.

We had a great time laughing, sharing stories, and bonding as HR peers. I gathered all of my office toys, talked with a few of the attendees, and headed back to my office. After the experience, I opened a small, branded FCC bag to look at what was inside. I was giddy because I knew in advance what was there.

When the HR team asked if I’d consider being a speaker, they asked if there was anything I’d like. I took a chance and made the ask. I wondered if I could get a personalized FCC jersey. I was stunned when they asked what size, what color, and what number I’d like !! I quickly stated I’d love a blue jersey with my fave number 31. It was the number I wore all the years I played basketball 40+ years ago.

When I pulled the jersey from the bag, I was overjoyed !! It was an example of “being” on the team. It also made me contemplate what it means to be on a team of human resources professionals.

When I began my career, I was an HR department of one for my first several years in the field. I never understood or knew that there were other HR pros anywhere close to where I worked. I made a conscious choice to step out and explore the possibility that others did what I did. It was the best personal and professional choice I made. I soon found out that there were countless others practicing HR across the globe.

This reality excited me, and I assumed it would excite others just as much. I was mistaken. You see, I feel that the HR profession is still far too isolated and fragmented when it doesn’t have to be. I think this is because so many of my peers continue to keep their heads down, buried in the work for which they’re responsible. I appreciate people being diligent. You should be. However, there’s no reason to be disconnected from others who also practice HR.

We’re all on the team !!

Jeff Berding, the co-CEO of FC Cincinnati, stated something that rang true with me and those in the room. He stated that there is no better time for HR to lead and thrive because we’re the profession that cares for people. He’s right. It’s always been the case. It’s just a matter of whether we see ourselves in this same light.

You aren’t alone. I feel tied and connected to the 50+ people I met on Friday. I extended an invitation for them to connect with me on purpose. I ended my presentation with this encouragement.

“Don’t leave this conference only having talked with the people you already know and work with. Reach out to the others here. Get to know them. You’re all on the same team. The team of HR !!”

This week, make sure to know I consider you on my team if you are an HR peer, regardless of where you work, where you live, or what industry you support. Teams pull together. Teams lift each other up, and most importantly, teams thrive !! Get your jersey. Put it on. Take the field. People are waiting for us !!

Can I Tell You Something ??

As I sit down to type this post, I’m exhausted. My wife and I just returned from the SHRM Annual Conference in San Diego, and some time away we tacked on the back end of the event visiting San Francisco. We enjoy visiting places once we land in a destination. We do all we can to pack in as much sightseeing and local flavor that we can. The bookends of flying are always somewhat adventurous even if most things fall into place.

Each year I attend the annual conference, I am renewed and rejuvenated !! There is one primary reason for this rekindling, and that is spending time with my HR peers from around the globe. I’ve been going to the conference for 15+ years and have been fortunate to be a presenter at the last 11 years. I am geeked to see familiar faces, and get a jolt of energy if someone screams out my name, “STEVE !!!” from across a crowded hallway. There are countless smiles, hugs, and laughs shared from the moment I touch ground in each host city.

I know that I’m fortunate to have that occur. I don’t take it for granted. I also want those who attend to know that who they are and what they do matter to me, and to the lives of the people they touch. HR can be thankless work. This arena gives me the opportunity to gather people around, encourage them, and hopefully renew their interest in the industry that has been my chosen field for the past four decades.

The constant shining reality of what SHRM has always been about for me is the people. That has been true for the 25+ years I’ve been involved – through thick and thin.

Walking through the convention center in San Diego is daunting. It stretches on and on in one continuous line. Sessions happened in hotels that were at each end of the center as well as throughout the two floors of the center itself. I give you that mental picture as a framework for what occurred.

I get stopped often when moving through SHRM Annual. Having been a regular for some time, I’ve met thousands of people over the years. This year took on a whole new level of personalization that I wasn’t seeking or expecting. It’s humbling to me when people come up to me and share stories. You never know what you’re going to hear, and each one fills me with intrigue and anticipation. You see, if people are willing to take time to open up, be vulnerable, and share what’s on their hearts, then they will always get my undivided attention.

When I was stopped, the conversation usually began with, “Can I tell you something ??”

The stories shared often brought me to tears and left me speechless. I heard one after another from people who told me how they had been moved and affected by my presentations. Many told me they were on the verge of quitting HR, and then changed their minds. Others shared how they were just wandering the halls and unknowingly sauntered into one of my sessions.

I heard tales of how they bought toys for their office or for their staff after seeing the menagerie I travel with. They talked about how they found joy once again in being an HR practitioner.

I was shaken to my core. Often, I shared a hug and could barely squeak out a “Thank You” before I wept. Wave after wave of emotions hit me at every turn. I can’t capture in words how much these conversations mean. My favorite ones are people who confide they’ve seen me speak for several years but didn’t know if I’d be open to meeting them in person.

I assured each person that I’m a peer and just a guy in HR. I cherish the chance to meet anyone who’s willing to connect and share even the smallest hello.

If you’ve read my blog at all over the years, you’ve heard me state how important it is to connect as fellow HR professionals. I mean it. People who do good work are aching for someone to come alongside them. Each time I meet an old friend for a warm embrace or a new one for a handshake, I’m anchored.

This week, reach out to someone as an HR peer. Give them just a few moments of your time during your hectic week. Don’t worry about what to say, or what you’ll cover. Start simply with . . .

“Can I tell you something ??” . . . and watch what happens !!

Stay Connected !!

This past week we celebrated Thanksgiving. Of all the holidays we get to celebrate, the focus of this one is highlighted by people gathering together. I was fortunate to celebrate the day, and the weekend, with my mom, daughter, and wife. Our daughter was the host. She did a spectacular job making a turkey, getting tickets so we could all see the movie Wicked, and sharing her welcoming home !!

While we were there, our son called in from California, and we chatted as a family for almost an hour about all facets of life. As soon as we ended that call, my brother called from Tennessee to send his family’s Thanksgiving wishes and share their plans. Later, one of our daughter’s friends came over for a game night where we competed and laughed. The connections didn’t stop there. When I got up early that morning, I made sure to reach out and connect with HR friends around the globe through GroupMe, WhatsApp, Twitter, and BlueSky. The messages flew back and forth with ease as people wished each other well.

Earlier in the week, I also reached out to a dear friend who had moved to Atlanta a few years ago. We hadn’t talked for far too long, and that didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to make sure he and his family were doing well and fortunately, they were. During this same time frame, I heard of a friend who lost her father, a cousin whose husband is critically ill, and one of my aunts who is coming to the end of her life.

I share these examples because I am grateful for the people I’m connected to. They aren’t mere acquaintances. They’re people who make my life richer. This only scratches the surface. I didn’t include the people I get to work with, the people I go to church with, friends around the city, or the people I am connected to around the globe through various HR platforms. The number of people in my life is not the focus – the importance of being intentionally connected is.

Too many people in the world today are isolated. With the devolution of social media into various camps pitted against each other, I am concerned. I feel many people have decided to withdraw, and they may be disconnected altogether. If you choose to no longer be active on social media platforms, that is fine. However, becoming isolated is not.

Staying connected is an imperative that should be a priority for all of us. If you see someone who is not connected, take a few moments and reach out just to check-in. That simple act may be the one thing that grounds someone once again. People were created in order to create and maintain relationships. We weren’t designed to be alone.

I realize that the holidays may give us the spark we need to connect. My encouragement to each of you is to be someone who chooses to stay connected all the time with others. Yes, it takes an investment of your time. Yes, it weighs on you emotionally. And, yes, it can be challenging. But know this, every connection you make will impact a life positively in ways you may never see. You may be just the right person at the right time that someone needs. Stay connected !!

What’s Next ??!!

This Wednesday is the next milestone I am fortunate enough to experience in this journey we call “life.” I’m turning the clock over to another decade !! Now, I understand that aging isn’t exactly an accomplishment. Time moves forward whether we want it to or not. However, in my family line reaching 60 is an accomplishment !!

My biological father passed away at age 26. His brother passed away in his early 40’s and his other brother made it to his late 60’s. Therefore, I am truly grateful when I get to start yet another year roaming the planet.

What does the next decade hold? I honestly don’t know, and I’m comfortable with things being unknown. I’m relatively healthy and active. Work has never been this exciting, robust, and creative !! My wife and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in October, and our adults are successful as they learn how to live their lives and careers.

I’ve never been a person who had to have the next steps of life planned out or predetermined. The truth is when things are overly scheduled and structured, I get a bit itchy. I am far more comfortable with spontaneity and going with the flow of whatever presents itself. Ironically, my approach to life makes my wife itchy. That’s one of the many reasons we’ve been successful as a couple. We balance each other in almost every aspect of our lives together.

I do know this. I am going to continue to look forward to what’s next. I do this with anticipation, curiosity, joy, and positivity. I don’t really see another option. I know that I’ll meet new people in the coming years. I know that I’ll get to visit and explore different areas of the world, and I hope to get to meet and connect with more HR peers. I’m sure that I’ll make that transition from work to retirement sooner rather than later. That only means new adventures are just around the corner.

I know these exciting opportunities will present themselves because in looking back over my prior 59 years, I cherish the amazing things that have already happened. I never thought I’d ever be an author growing up, and now I’ve written three books. I could never have imagined speaking in front of any group, and yet I’ve taken the stage to speak to thousands of people. I never anticipated I’d find the love of my life and be blessed with two amazing kids. And yet, we continue to enjoy each other as time marches ahead.

I couldn’t have understood that I was led into the field of Human Resources which has fit me like a glove for my entire career. I’ve been fortunate to connect with peers from every type and size of industry around the globe. Literally !! I’ve had the opportunity to work with and impact thousands of employees for 37+ years. How amazing is that?

Not one of these experiences was part of a wish list or a vision board. (remember those?) I also don’t think that my life is a series of happenstance. I’m a man of faith and I trust that whatever comes throughout my life happened on purpose.

So, what’s next ?? I’m not sure, but I’m geeked to see how it all plays out.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes !!

I wanted to take my #AdventBlogs post submission and share it this week. I love all that Gary Cookson does with the series and hope you connect with him and all of the authors in the series !! You can find them on his site – Epic HR.

_____________________________________

The third day of our series and the first weekend post for us, and we continue to go big with our posts. So many people have told me that they are midway through writing a post that I know the series will be fantastic, though as of the time of writing (20 November) I only have a small number of posts in. By the time you read this, I’ll have plenty more, but there is still time to send your submission in if you are inspired by our theme or what you have read so far.

Today at home is another of our Christmas trips. Tonight, we are going on a magical Christmas boat trip across an enchanted lake (strangely, one I swim in during the summer) to visit the Elves and of course Santa Claus. Really looking forward to it – the kids are so excited, and we are definitely at peak Christmas this year.

Today’s post is from Steve Browne. Yes, THE Steve Browne. You are already connected with Steve on Twitter (@sbrownehr) and LinkedIn and probably on other social media – and to be honest, who isn’t? If you’re not, you should be. Steve has an online presence beyond almost all in HR, and whilst I could share a bio of his, it wouldn’t do him justice. He’s the Chief People Officer at LaRosa’s. Steve and I have interacted lots as part of the #HRPubQuiz community and he’s another I know well. He is one of the nicest people you’ll ever want to meet.

Over to Steve:

One of the top 10 highlights of my life was traveling to the UK with my wife Debbie in 2019. We relied on the connections I had made on social media to see the country through the experiences and eyes of my friends who lived in the UK. Each person we met was so comfortable and welcoming as if we’d been friends forever even though we had just really encountered each other in person for the first time.

We have fond memories of every interaction we had because we learned about some amazing humans and their lives. One of my personal highlights came when my dear friend, Michael Carty, traveled for hours by train to have a coffee, chat and walk through Soho. Michael and I are giant music freaks and have talked about various artists and songs for years. So, as we meandered through Soho he pointed out where Sir Paul McCartney had an office, where the band Oasis took pictures for an album cover and a phone booth.

What’s so unique about a phone booth in London ?? It was the location for the album cover of David Bowie’s essential album – The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. I was gobsmacked !! (my fave learned term while in the UK.) David Bowie has always been a favourite artist of mine not only for his amazing catalogue of music but also for how he was a chameleon throughout his entire career.

Image from – https://soundgirls.org/ch-ch-ch-changes/

Bowie didn’t wait for change to affect him. He made change happen. He was ahead of his time so much so that he often made others around him uncomfortable. He wasn’t willing to follow the norms of artistry, rock and roll or image. He refused to be another musician who covered the songs of other artists in order to launch himself onto the scene. He was comfortable with who he was and set the standard he was going to express.

This is such a refreshing way to approach the reality of change. Too often we allow the circumstances of life to hit us first and we’re “forced” to react and respond. When change happens TO us, we resist. It’s natural and we don’t like it. When people say they enjoy change, I’m sceptical because few of us are as bold and intentional as Mr. Bowie was.

I’ve tried to be more like Bowie when it comes to changes in my life personally and professionally. I wasn’t like this when I started my career, but I certainly am now. When you choose to define the parameters of change around you, then it lights a path for others to see. They tend to embrace changes when they’re revealed to them first.

Let me give you an example.

I LOVE connecting with people and always have. I believe that each person I meet has something amazing and unique about them. This alone makes me want to learn who they are, what they believe and how they view life. It fascinates me. I have never been hesitant to reach out and see how we could get to know each other better. As a result, I’ve been able to develop relationships and friendships around the world. I know that this approach is not typical, and many people are reluctant to jump into any meaningful connection for a variety of reasons. No judgment and no expectations from my side on this. I’m well aware of how much of an outlier I am when it comes to this.

What keeps me grounded though, is that I am not a very comparative person. I want to know YOU for YOU and that’s it. I don’t look at any connection as someone to pit against another person in some illusion of ranking or placing one relationship ahead of another. This is unnerving for most because the norm is to judge, compare and decide if others are truly worth their time.

You see, every person is worth my time. Every. Single. One. That is the only facet in my life that never changes. Relationships, unfortunately, do change. People flow in and out of my life more than I wish they would. This may happen because of one misconstrued interaction, a difference in beliefs or the challenge of how we choose to use our time. Relationships take time. Invested time.

I’m bummed when people fade away from my life. It’s not a change I enjoy. I try to rekindle things hoping there are still embers willing to jump back to a burning flame. It happens in some instances, but not all the time. All things change when it comes to people in our lives.

My hope is this. I want people to know there is at least one person who’s willing to see them, listen to them, value them and learn from them on this planet – even if it’s for a brief moment or period of time. It’s my way of being Bowie. I choose to drive change when it comes to people.

So, if you see a tall, geeky person who is reaching out to get to know you, be calm. It’s my inner Ziggy willing to get to know you. It’s the ch-ch-ch-change I hope to see everyone embrace !!

I love reading Steve’s blogs, on his own site and his contributions to the #AdventBlogs series each year. He puts so much energy into his writing, and the creativity comes through each time. I like the theme he is exploring here though.

He is right to lament how relationships change. Sometimes they need to, sometimes they do without us wanting to. But they do change. He is also right though that there are some constants, even though our theme is “All things change” perhaps sometimes there are fixed points in time and space (to coin a Doctor Who phrase). Maybe Steve himself is one of those fixed points in time and space – he won’t change his belief that you are worth his time.

We see you too, Steve.

Till next time…

Gary

Intersections

As much as we’d like our lives to play out in a straight line, they just don’t. We’d love to live in such a manner that we have only positive experiences and little to no conflict. It sounds perfect, but we know this isn’t the case. We can go through ups, downs and quick moves sideways within the same hour !!

Since this is our reality, we have a choice to try to maneuver through this erratic pattern alone or with others to come alongside us. Honestly, too many people are trying their best to just slog through whatever is facing them primarily on their own. I don’t think they’re trying to be defiant or elusive. I just think it’s just the messaging we believe or hear from others. We don’t want to put someone out because of what we’re facing. We’re sure we’d be a burden and it’s not that big of a deal really.

I don’t buy it. We weren’t created to go through life alone. We’re wired to be connected and available for those that pass through our lives. We all have intersections we go through over time. They may be life events like school graduations, marriages, getting a job or death. Those types of intersections get the most attention, but they are few and far between over the course of our lifetime. There are a multitude of other times when our paths cross with other people.

Photo by Kaique Rocha from Pexels

At the crack of dawn this past Friday, I was buying some donut holes at our local Meijer to take to my men’s group when I encountered Jane at the self-checkout. I was the only patron in the store and her eyes lit up when I walked up to scan my items. She asked if I was ready for the Spring snowstorm which was predicted for Saturday morning. I said I was, and then she told me it would be “nothing” compared to what she was used to.

One thing to note – Jane is most likely in her mid to late 70’s. She is a treat and she seems to be working at Meijer 24/7. Back to the story . . .

She went on to tell me about growing up on a 500-acre farm that had livestock and crops. She shared details about monumental snowfall, endless chores, hard work, and how she loved every moment. I also learned about the family restaurant her parents started after her father sold the farm so her mother could continue to work. She was tickled that it was one of the few restaurants on the way from Cleveland to Pittsburgh so everyone who passed by would inevitably stop in to try her mom’s famous cooking.

I was just checking out to buy some donut holes.

However, Jane wanted to connect and talk. She felt the need to share her life and be a welcoming start to my day. I had a feeling that she’d have these impromptu conversations with anyone who was willing to stop and give her a few minutes. I met her at an intersection. Those few minutes were rich, meaningful and worthwhile. It was a great way to start the day !!

Yesterday, as I was reading through Twitter, I saw a tweet from an HR peer who shared about his current job search. He was being vulnerable and shared his frustration. He was questioning whether he should stay in HR or not. This caught my attention because someone tagged me and a handful of other practitioners as examples of people who believe in HR. They noted that we do our best to encourage, elevate and move the field forward.

I didn’t take this as a pat on the back. I saw it as another intersection. I sent a direct message to the young man working to land his next great HR role and offered to help him in any way I can. We don’t live in the same city and I don’t yet know what he is/isn’t looking for or what his journey has been. However, I know that I can do something with my network to try and open a door for him. We’re talking on Tuesday and I can’t wait to get to know him more and see where it leads.

I don’t believe these encounters are random or coincidental. I look for people intentionally all the time. I make myself available in the event an intersection presents itself. Also, I’m open and looking for others when I’m crossing intersections in my life. I welcome those who take the time to stop and listen.

This week make sure you’re looking for intersections with those who cross your path. Or, if you need someone to meet you at your intersection, be open to whoever shows up. The key to either way is to not just walk past. Stop and see what happens !!

No Strangers Here

This past weekend I was able to enjoy a great birthday gift. My grown kids know me so well, and they pulled their funds together to get me tickets to see a Xavier University basketball game. Ever since I moved to the Cincinnati area in the mid-’80s, I’ve followed and been a fan of, Xavier basketball. The other cool aspect of this incredible gift was that it was an away game against Butler University which is in Indianapolis where my daughter now lives. So, we got to go to the game together. My son lives in the San Diego area and it would have been even greater to have him there, but he couldn’t make it.

If you’ve never been to Butler University, they play in historic Hinkle Fieldhouse where part of the iconic movie, Hoosiers, was filmed. Walking into this arena was amazing in its own right. I’ve always been the fan who gets to games early and I stay until the very end. I have indoctrinated my kids with this expectation, and they enjoy doing this as well. My daughter and I sat in our seats in a predominantly empty stadium taking in all of the sites. Slowly, the arena began to fill up, and seats were becoming occupied. You always wonder who’s going to sit next to you, or if the seats next to you will remain open giving you a little more room to not feel cramped.

As I looked to my right, I saw a frail, elderly couple come into our row with a middle-aged couple. As they worked slowly toward their seats, the older gentleman leans down to me with an extended hand and says, “Hi there !! I’m Chip.” I know he saw my immense smile as I shook his hand and replied, “Hi there !! I’m Steve.”

He settled into his seat and then leaned over. He saw my Xavier hat and sweatshirt and wryly he stated, “Steve, just want you to know I won’t be rooting for your team tonight.” I warmly replied, “That’s okay Chip. I’m not going to be cheering for yours either.” He chuckled and we started a conversation. He asked if I was from Indianapolis and if I was with my daughter. He told me about his attending every game he could and that he wished they would play better. He was incredibly welcoming and we talked as if we’d known each other for years. He was very approachable and naturally comfortable with me even though we had never met.

He didn’t view this encounter as something odd or forced. He genuinely wanted to connect and make sure that I enjoyed my time visiting “his” school. We talked throughout the entire game gently ribbing each other about the plays, the fouls, the crowd, the cheerleaders and the overall experience. It was magical. I lost my Dad just over a year ago and it was as if I was sitting with him one more time. It couldn’t have been better. We said “Goodbye” to each other at the very end of the game even though Xavier ended up with the win over his beloved Butler Bulldogs.

I thoroughly enjoyed Chip and was touched that he didn’t see me as a stranger. He would have greeted whoever was seated next to him. I’m sure of it. He wasn’t awkward or too forward. To him, it was the most natural interaction possible. It was honestly refreshing to meet Chip and have such a memorable time with him. I wouldn’t have classified him as an extrovert. He was purely someone who felt that it was better to know who was next to him.

It reminded me how people have an innate need to connect and belong. We want to share our lives together and not be strangers. Too often we put up invisible barriers or do our best to avoid each other. I know it may seem a bit naive or old-fashioned to be so open to meeting others as Chip did. However, I’d beg to disagree. I think it’s heartwarming and missing in today’s society.

I may never cross paths with Chip again in this life, but he reminded me to be open and willing to extend a greeting to those around me. It is something I plan to do on a regular basis. No strangers. Just new connections.