Tag: Grace

When I Fall . . .

The primary story everyone seems to be talking about and is enamored with is the viral video of the CEO and CPO of Astronomer at a recent Coldplay concert. I was as intrigued about it as anyone. I couldn’t believe what I just saw, and I made snide comments and shared/viewed memes and gifs that were made instantaneously. I had countless friends reach out to me to ask if I had seen the video and how it involved a person who is in HR. I’m not proud of how I responded and got caught up in the media storm. This is why . . .

I don’t condone the choices these two adults made. It captured our attention because of how they responded when they got caught. Isn’t it telling that this story of two people publicly failing garnered far more attention than the many, many challenges and atrocities happening across the planet right now ?? We yearn for salacious stories. The grittier and more gossipy, the better. This is true in situations that are in the public eye, in our workplaces, or among our families and friends.

Falling in some magnificent way grabs us far more than seeing, hearing or experiencing positive and encouraging stories. Isn’t that concerning ??

I think it is. We’ve allowed ourselves to become a world that enjoys the downfall of others as a primary source of our entertainment and our own personal value. Don’t believe me?

Attend an HR conference and just listen to the conversations happening around you. The majority of what is being shared is about difficult people who frustrate us and suck out our souls. We act as if they are so detrimental that we can’t even adequately do our job. When those stories are shared, they’re contagious. People willingly jump in and pile on. It’s like we want to exist in an ongoing game of truth or dare to see who can share the biggest dirt pile they’re facing.

I felt compelled to write this because I fail. Often. I fall down in my words, my actions, and my attitudes about others. Again, not proud about this. The story about the folks from Astronomer made me reflect. What would happen if the camera were focused on me when I have failed others? How would I react? What would the response be from my peers and friends? Would they be snarky, create memes, and smear me all over the place? Would it bring them joy to feel they had not made the same mistake(s) I have?

This eats at me. I believe we are in a field where we need to focus far more on behavior versus compliance. We are faced with far more behaviorally motivated interactions between people than any actual work occurring. We need to understand (as I shared on LinkedIn this past Friday) that:

” . . . we all need to remember that as humans, we are frail, prone to fail as well as succeed. When someone falls, let’s pick them up – not tear them down.”

The two people from Astronomer had their lives changed in an instant. It’s going to affect them personally and professionally for years to come. They’re most likely not going to recover from this for some time. This doesn’t even account for those with whom they are close or related to.

There are consequences to every decision we make in life. You can’t escape that. Even so, my hope is that someone is in their corner to lift them up after this horrific fall. I would want someone in my corner.

So, when I fall, which is inevitable, will others be there for me? I can tell you this. When others in my life fall, I will do my best to be there for them.

How We Respond

Whew !! That’s the best expression I can state after getting some much-needed rest after a phenomenal SHRM24. I was surrounded by 26,000 of my HR peers, and it was glorious. This is my favorite environment of every year.

I’m sure you’ve heard by now about how the opening keynote, Jason Sudeikis, was a last-minute cancellation. He chose to attend a WBNA game instead of speaking so he could see Caitlyn Clark play. He has been a visible fan of hers in college and as a pro. It was incredibly disappointing because I wanted to hear what he had to say about his role as Ted Lasso. I bought a “Believe” shirt and was primed as most of the attendees were.

What struck me though was the response from the attendees. The cancellation was unexpected and shocking. I’d never seen a keynote cancel at a SHRM Annual Conference. The fact that he was attending the WBNA game in an arena attached to the McCormick Center at the time he was to take the SHRM stage made things sting even more. I was stunned by the vitriol and anger that was expressed by those at the conference and those watching in. The launch was quick and unforgiving. It seemed as if everyone’s “entire” conference was completely ruined.

I didn’t feel that way at all. Was I disappointed? Absolutely. Did I think it showed a lack of character by not following through on his commitment? Of course. Did it ruin my conference ??? Not one bit.

You see, I think there are two things to remember about this experience. The first is this – we all disappoint people and miss commitments. I’ve done it with my wife, my kids, my co-workers, and my peers. It is a fatal flaw of being a human. When others disappoint me, I feel a mix of being hollow and wanting there to be some form of payback. However, I do my best to show grace instead. The world is lacking in being graceful towards others. It’s not expected from the person who caused the disappointment, but I feel it’s the best remedy.

I know the chances of me ever encountering Jason Sudeikis in person are slim. I’ll still be a fan of the Ted Lasso series because it’s a TV show and he played a character. He made a choice. I have a choice in how to respond as well. I choose grace which leads me to my other point.

I never go to an HR conference to see one person. I go to see EVERY person !!

This year I was fortunate to have my wife join me at SHRM24. She walked through the halls with me and went to the SHRM store. It was especially meaningful for me to have her meet the many friends I have made over the years. She’s heard stories about them and now she was able to meet them face-to-face. She also was able to attend the two mega sessions where I presented. I was floored to stand on stage in a stately theater which was filled both times !!

(One quick note: Please know that I never take it for granted that I get the opportunity to speak in front of my HR peers. It humbles me and I am grateful for each chance I get.)

She got to hear how I got to experience the Annual Conference when people came up to me in the hallway, in sessions, and in line to sign my books. She heard story after story about how they responded after attending a session, reading one of my books, or having a conversation with me. I spent this time laughing, crying, and hugging each person because they told me that I had made HR personal for them. She and I made homemade tie-dye bookmarks that people could take with them for free. It was our way of giving them a token of our time together.

I made sure to give any person who came up to me all the time they’d like. It’s how I choose to respond.

This week you’re sure to have a variety of encounters with people. They may be great (which I hope) or they may bring disappointment. Whatever may come, you will have the choice of how you respond. I hope you express grace, curiosity, and joy.

When We Fail . . .

Failure. No one likes to do it. We are encouraged to not be afraid to fail, and I concur with that. I’m not talking about stumbling if you’re trying to stretch, take a risk or be creative. In fact, tons have been written and shared about the power of learning from failure which is spot on. This was different because it was a personal failure.

For years, I’ve had a heart for helping others who are in transition between jobs. This came to mind when a peer asked me why the HR Roundtable I facilitate didn’t have resumes displayed to help out others. It was convicting and made me mindful of how easy it is to overlook those who don’t have a job when you do. It’s far too easy.

We should be grateful for the jobs we have and reach out to help others at the same time. As I mentioned, I do this on a regular basis. Last week, I failed.

I made a commitment to help someone and connect with them to help network, review their resume and see if I knew some avenues that could open doors to help them land. We shared a few initial emails and then life got in the way. That’s not an excuse. It’s reality. I experienced several significant personal challenges at work and at home within a short period of time. I understand that each one of us has “life” going on, but my focus slipped and my good intentions turned into forgetfulness.

When this person reached back out to me, they were hurt – as they should be. I wasn’t accountable for the help I said I would give. I apologized and shared that I didn’t have an excuse. I mentioned the challenges I had been going through which caused me to forget. He wished me the best in those circumstances but told me to stop helping him. I was crushed. Still am.

If you haven’t been in transition, you don’t empathize. It’s hard to put into words the ups and downs you experience. You can feel great optimism and overwhelming dread within the same day. You yearn for assistance from others and hope that someone will be the connector that lands you in your next role. The challenge in this rollercoaster of emotions is that all you want to do is land. Once you do, you unfortunately fall into the same comfort level as every other employed person. You’re safe. You soon forget what it was like to be in transition.

That’s why this is so raw for me. I’ve been in transition. I strive to be a resource for others. And yet, I am still human. I will fail others. I hope that when I do fail that I’ll get some grace to try and correct the situation. That won’t always occur, but I’m not discouraged.

In contrast, another situation happened this past week. A friend of mine actually landed after an extensive search. I was fortunate to be one of many who reached out to talk to her and encourage her. Please note, we’ve never met in person only through social media. She’s in the Seattle, Washington area while I’m in Greater Cincinnati, Ohio. She was appropriately geeked to share her good news and I can’t wait to see how she will continue to grow and thrive now that she’s landed. I also know she is going to share her journey to help others which will be wonderful to follow.

Both stories are examples of the gamut job seekers face. I encourage you to be someone who steps in and lends a hand. Even if you stumble in your efforts, it’s worth it. We all fail. We also move forward.