A Fresh Coat of Paint

This past weekend, my wife and I traveled to Indianapolis to see our daughter Melanie. This is a normal occurrence for us. This past Christmas, I gave her a coupon book for a year’s worth of workdays. It’s always fun to visit and get our hands dirty. Melanie bought her house four years ago. We knew it would be an adventure because the house is over 100 years old !!

We spent much of the first year of her home ownership on major projects like painting, landscaping, laying flooring, improving walls, and cleaning out items the prior owner left behind throughout the house and garage. Since then, we’ve been adding touches to the house that she wants. It’s amazing to see the transformation from all we’ve done.

One of the last projects that needed to be tackled was her buffet in the dining room. It’s a beautiful piece, but it looked worn out. The first task we worked on was replacing the janky mix of glass and plexiglass in the four doors on the front of the buffet. We bought some wicker, measured it to size, and then stapled the material to the frames. It went very well . . . with one exception.

Did you know that staples come in different sizes ?? I didn’t. This matters because some of the staples we used broke through the frame. This chipped the paint and left the sharp ends of the staples protruding through the wood. To address this, we visited her local hardware store and found staples that were smaller but did the job. We loved the wicker. The chips in the paint were discouraging, though.

So, it was my task to get the buffet back in working order. Debbie and Melanie worked on organizing her basement, which took a detail-oriented focus (not my strength). I folded the edges of the staples that had broken through back into the frame and filled all of the holes with wood putty. There was a large section on the top of the buffet that had water damage. This needed a significant patch of wood putty. After the putty had dried, it was time to paint.

The buffet had been a dark, chocolate brown. We didn’t want to match the color. Melanie thought it needed a bit more vibrancy and life. We found paint called Leather Brown. We knew it could make a stark difference. We were right !!

With each brush stroke, the old, weathered buffet began to shine. The gloss from the paint popped as the sun shone through the adjacent windows. The small knicks, past water stains, and paint drops of other colors all disappeared. The surfaces looked new. You could imagine the furniture letting out a sigh of relief, knowing that it was going to have a renewed appearance. The first coat looked brilliant, and I was hopeful that’s all it would take. Not quite. There were some areas I missed, and some of the putty was peaking through. A second coat was needed. Not a problem. Thirty minutes later, every blemish had vanished. It was so refreshing to see how it turned out. Melanie was geeked to see it in its new state !!

As I was waiting for the paint to dry between coats, I went outside to do some trimming of plants in her back alley. It gave me time to think about how something so simple as a fresh coat of paint was so effective in giving the buffet new life. Couldn’t the same be said of our employees ??

Each one of us (Yes, we’re included) gets knicks, scrapes, and damage over the years. That just comes with time working together. It’s interesting, when you hear managers talk about their people, you hear how broken they are. It’s never the case, but it becomes the perception they have of others. We want to fall back on traditional methods to fix people, like performance reviews, coaching, or disciplinary action. We convince ourselves that if we have a stern enough talk and approach, people will snap to a new state of awareness and performance excellence. It’s folly. It always has been.

Our employees are like my daughter’s buffet. What they need, and long for, is our time, care, and attention. We have the opportunity to invest in our people so they can be renewed. Intentionally giving others our time is like giving them a fresh coat of paint. Each minute and hour we spend starts to make all those damage marks fade and eventually disappear. We need to quit thinking that building relationships is a waste of our time. Just the opposite. Every time we can clear our schedules, avoid distractions, and listen to those we work with, the company improves.

This week, get out your wood putty, painter’s tape, paint brush, and a fresh, new color. Sit down with your people on purpose and start adding that fresh coat. Trust me, they’re waiting for you to do this !!

Find Your Vibe !!

A week ago, I was fortunate to be the opening keynote speaker for the Virginia/DC SHRM State Conference. Having the opportunity to meet new people and also see old friends is something that has always filled my bucket. Getting to share ideas and concepts to have people think about HR in new ways is a bonus.

The volunteer leaders did an incredible job to match the theme of the conference – You Can’t Spell Hero Without HR !! Their planning details covered every aspect of the event. Their energy permeated each session. They even gave out capes to the speakers !! I had a wonderful time meeting a ton of new HR peers I hadn’t encountered over the years.

Another very positive reality in attending these events now is that my wife Debbie is traveling with me. It speaks to how amazing she is as my partner. Her willingness to go and be surrounded by HR pros who she doesn’t know is admirable. I’m very comfortable meeting strangers. In fact, I long for the chance to do so. I am confident that I’ll learn something new from each person I meet. Debbie prefers to surround herself with a smaller group of people she knows. This takes a ton of effort and stretching for her to hang with me at conferences, and I appreciate that she’s there by my side.

Once we’re done with my responsibilities at conferences, we are now taking the time to explore the cities/towns we’re visiting. You can learn so much about the world IF you choose to explore it. Too often, we get caught up in the tasks we have planned that we miss the hidden treasures that each city holds. We’re very intentional in breaking out of the “to-do” mentality and turning into adventurers instead.

The conference was being held in Virginia Beach this year. We had visited the beach, the incredible boardwalk, and the massive statue of Neptune with our kids when they were younger. We didn’t take in much more than the regular tourist highlights that most people see. This time, we dove deeper to see what we could find. In doing that, we found a true treasure – the ViBe Creative District !! It’s a neighborhood away from the retail and boardwalk side of Virginia Beach that is covered in art. There are over 200 murals covering walls, fences, garage doors, streets, and a series of obelisks. Everywhere you look, you find them. Each one has its own style. There are murals that are easy to understand right next to those that are abstract. There are ones which are vibrant and leap off the surface where they’re painted. Next to them are muted, subtle pieces.

We wandered for several hours on foot to try to make sure we didn’t miss any of the creations. In between our exploration, we paused to enjoy a smoothie and a snack at the eclectic Bad Ass Coffee. It was the perfect afternoon !! We shared the pictures we had taken so far with each other. It was fascinating to see which murals Debbie chose to capture vs. what I chose. We had many in common, but even then, those were unique because of the angles we looked at each one.

What I loved about the whole district was seeing the vast variety of art. Each person who had painted their mural had to have had an idea, a concept, and an approach to bring their work to life. They had found their vibe to add to the ViBe district. They didn’t know how people would take in or interpret their art. They most likely didn’t care. It was more important to create than be concerned about someone’s opinion.

After we wrapped up our time meandering through the district, I had a chance to reflect a bit. How much of what I do has a creative touch to it? Have I found my vibe in practicing HR ?? I tend to think so, but I wanted to pause and make sure. It’s very easy to slip into a place of complacency and redundancy. Much of what we do on a daily basis is repetitive in some way. You can get lulled into a pattern that lacks any sense of innovation.

Walking through the forest of murals rekindled my desire to make sure not to be someone who settles. I want to look at each situation as if it were a blank wall waiting for an artist to bring out the painting hidden beneath the surface. I not only want to find my vibe, but I also want to sustain it !!

How about you? Do you need to break out of a funk you may find yourself in? Are you tired of the daily rut of HR? If so, pause, pick up your paint brushes, and start creating. Take the steps you need to take and find your vibe !!

Thank You for Being a Friend !!

When you hear the word “friend,” what comes to mind ?? I can answer this simply – Fred.

My best friend, Fred Eck, has been an integral part of my life for almost 30 years. He’s retired and happened to be in HR. I can’t adequately capture how much Fred means to me. He introduced me to his peers when I was just starting my career. He opened doors I didn’t even see.

He had been a trailblazer as a local SHRM chapter volunteer before I even knew what a chapter was. He held roles at the local and state levels. When he and I first started hanging out together, he introduced me to his peers who had also been trailblazers in their own right. He made sure I was included and fit in with this OG group.

I think the tipping point of friendship for us happened when we were both volunteering on the Ohio SHRM State Conference Committee. I had just started speaking at chapters and was about to speak at the State Conference for the first time. One thing to note – Fred and I both live in suburbs in northern Cincinnati. We’ve always been about 20 minutes from each other. So, we would carpool to meetings that happened in Sandusky, Ohio, which is 4 1/2 hours north of where we lived. During these treks, we never lacked in topics to discuss. Never. We’d both have a giant cup of coffee and some snacks as we took to the road before dawn. The conversations started the moment we were both strapped in.

Back to the conference . . .

My session was on Friday morning at 7:00am. We had been out with our crew for hours singing and enjoying a “few” adult beverages. About 2:00am, I tapped out, and I said, “I need to get a little sleep, or at least try.” Fred said he’d be in the front row. He rolled into our room about 4:30am. Champion. Guess who was in the front row helping me set up for my session at 6:45am ?? He was fully present, alert, and geeked to see me present. THAT is a friend !!

I could write a book filled with stories about our friendship. I nominated him for Mentor of the Year at our local chapter because I promise you, I wouldn’t have been the person I’ve become in the industry without him by my side. A few years ago, I was present when the Ohio SHRM State Conference named and awarded the first Fred Eck Committee Member of the Year award. He’s a force !!

Four weeks ago, Fred called me to let me know he was going to have extensive back surgery. He wanted me to know and asked for prayers. He knew I had him covered. I told him I would make sure to be there when he got out. The surgery went well, and I’m grateful. His recovery has been a lot tougher than he had hoped for. It’s very tedious and slow. He’s positive as ever, even though Father Time has taken a big chunk from the man I know and love. My wife and I have been able to visit him, and that will continue for as long as he needs. He’s always been there for me. I will always be there for him !!

I write this story for encouragement. Too many people in this world may have acquaintances, but few have friends. Seriously. You may have oodles of connections personally or on social media, but few of them cross over to deep relationships. That needs to change.

You see, I am a FIERCE friend !! If you choose to connect with me, get ready because I will pour into you as much as you allow. Like most people, I’ve had friends come and go over time due to various reasons of time, distance, or interests. I wish that wasn’t the case, but I don’t know how to stop that from occurring. I do my best to cultivate friendships often. I do this at work, in my church, in the community, and throughout HR. I ache when I know people don’t have close friendships.

So, let me leave you with two things: (1) You weren’t meant to go through life alone. You just weren’t. And (2) Be a friend first. Take the steps as Fred did, and step into the lives of others. Trust me, they’re yearning for it.

When I visited Fred this weekend, we shared LaRosa’s pizza (a Cincinnati tradition) and enjoyed an unhurried conversation. I look forward to the day when we can talk for hours and hours with ease once again. I’ll need to wait for that. As I left, Debbie took a picture of us together because that defines us. I shook his hand, told him I loved him, and that I’d continue to pray and shed a few tears. I hate seeing my friend suffer. He needed to know how thankful I am for his friendship !!

To keep the theme going, here’s a song that was great long before they used it as the theme for The Golden Girls. Andrew Gold captures friendship perfectly. Give it a listen !!

A Good Walk !!

My wife, Debbie, and I recently had an extended visitor at our house. It was our daughter’s sheepdoodle, Wags. We love our granddog, and it’s a joy when he excitedly romps around our house. We had him for a week before, but he needed to visit for a bit longer this time. So, we had him for three full weeks !!

Some people enter the phase of their lives as empty nesters with trepidation and hesitancy. That was not us. We deeply love our kids (adults). We love that they’ve taken flight and found new homes and cities to live in. We continue to be a very close-knit family regardless of space and time zones. As an empty nester, you get used to living with just you two in the house. There was a small adjustment at first, but then we easily adapted to our new norm.

We’ve had cats in the past as additional roommates. They were both wonderful and with us for years. We tried an experiment with a rescue dog before our daughter was born 32 years ago. It didn’t go well. He was a fantastic dog, but he needed constant companionship and attention. We both worked, so it wasn’t ideal for him. We found him a home through a rescue shelter on a massive farm where he could run for days. We’re sure he had a full life being a farm dog !!

Back to today . . .

Wags is the ultimate companion. He loves being with you and being active. Debbie gets to spend time with him since her retirement, and when I get home from work, he jumps to attention, waiting to go on an extended walk or play for hours at a time. I decided to do my best to walk him twice daily for at least 30 minutes at a time. During his visit, nature decided to throw a mix of massive cold, wind, and rain at us. I was undaunted. He needed to walk.

So, I did something I had “threatened” to do for years . . . exercise. I set my alarm for a very early wake-up call, rolled out of bed, walked over Wags, and got dressed. I slowly made it downstairs, put on layers of jackets and a headlamp, and out the door we trekked. The cold morning air snapped me awake whether I wanted to be or not. After about a block, I felt ready to head into the darkness to make sure we had a good dose of exercise.

On the weekends, I could get him out to a local park with a trail that loops around a lake. It’s over 1 1/2 miles on the regular loop, and he relished the chance to take it on. New smells. New sights. New people to encounter. He was full of excitement for every step. I loved seeing our shadows together as my companion pulled me with eagerness around the trail.

As our extended visit was drawing to a close, I had a choice. Did I keep walking without the dog ?? I was now in a pattern of walking over 4 miles a day, and I felt better than I had in years. I breathed easier, and a few pounds may have evaporated. I decided to keep walking !!

Since then, I’ve been getting up early, stumbling down the stairs, donning my headlamp, and heading out. At times, I turn on music through my Shokz headphones, and other days, I just take in the sounds of the birds. I have been able to see and enjoy the sunrise every day, which I have missed for decades. It has been wonderful. This past week, I went to a conference and walked each morning with one of my friends who was also attending. When I returned from that, Debbie decided to join me too !!

What had been a necessity for Wags to burn off energy and do his business, now became a needed habit for my well-being. I’m going to do my best to stick with it because I’m more alert, patient, and excited to face the day ahead. I don’t want that to wane. I could fill a book with excuses for why I should have exercised, and I’m sure many reading this could as well. I could also let you know that life is too full and busy with activities that are far more “important” and deserve my time and attention.

Here’s a dose of reality. (This is not new, by the way. People have been extolling the virtues of exercise for centuries.) When I’m healthier, I’m better. At home, as a husband, as a friend, as a co-worker, and as a human. I can perform better because I’m in a better place.

I’d encourage you to see what your daily pattern is like. Is it too full ?? Do you have 30 minutes you could allocate to something else ?? Would you like to feel better each day ??

I suggest this. Have a good walk.

Because I Want To . . .

This past weekend, I broke away from the normal hectic pace of life I find myself in to attend a retreat. It was a faith-based time away, and I was truly looking forward to it. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I wasn’t apprehensive in the least. We had no advanced agendas or topics. The only known fact we had was the time to arrive at the campground and check in. I was cool with that.

It was just what I needed personally. Time away. Time to reflect. Time to learn.

You see, I’m on the downhill side of my career. It’s something that comes to mind more with each passing week of the year. Please note that I don’t plan to have an abrupt stop to what I do, but I do plan to make a shift in a few years. I’m geeked about the time leading up to that transition, and also anticipating what could possibly be next. Just like the retreat, I have no advance information. For some, that could be overwhelming or daunting. I’ve never been a person who’s had to have everything lined out for me. I’m very comfortable stepping into the unknown and then seeing what will happen.

During this latter stage of my career, I was reminded by the retreat that I still have so much to learn. Not kidding. When you look at all of the possible information that exists, and the experiences I could have, I’ve barely scratched the surface after 62 years of wandering on this planet.

I love learning !! I always have. Finding new subjects and perspectives intrigues me. I try to be well-versed and expand my horizons. I’ll read about people whose thoughts and approaches to life run counter to what I believe. I feel it’s important to have an understanding of where people are coming from instead of making assumptions. I am hopeful that I’ll be someone who chooses to learn for the remainder of my life. I don’t see any reason to stop.

How about you ?? Are you someone who wants to constantly learn, or are you someone who has settled into a pattern where you’re comfortable? You have enough knowledge to get through your day. There’s little to no desire to stretch again. You find yourself worn out. Why in the world would you want to take on more ??

I think it comes down to a mindset. I don’t “have” to learn. I “want” to learn !! It’s a simple distinction that’s very powerful.

Too many people go through life reluctantly. They want little risk, little variability, and little change. Stability is valued far more than uncertainty. There’s no urge to learn more because they’ve hit a level of feeling they can perform with what they’ve already gathered over time.

I think that’s a miss. You see, I am a mix of someone who is very content in who I am and what I know, and who still has a burning desire to learn about what’s next, what’s new, and what’s possible. I find life and people to be truly fascinating !! There is so much that can be explored. There’s still so much to discover. I don’t want my life to be limited if it doesn’t have to be.

This week, I’d encourage you to pause and look around. Do you see some learning opportunities you could step into? Are there people you could meet and have a rich conversation with? Learn because you want to. It makes each day an adventure.

Ask For Help

You may not know this, but one of the outreaches I facilitate is an HR newsletter and forum called the HR Net. It goes out to over 14,000+ people globally each week. I write an intro called – “A Note from Steve . . .” This past week’s note felt like it needed to be posted to my blog and other platforms. It really struck me, and the response was overwhelming. So, I’m posting it here – give it a read.

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You have all been so kind to allow me to send you this newsletter. I am starting this one out a bit differently.

I love sharing stories and experiences, and how I see HR woven in most things like an invisible tapestry. This is another story that’s a bit more personal than usual.

Quick HR disclaimer: Everything is good. You’ll understand when you read on. Just want to reassure you before jumping in.

This past week has been overwhelming in a way that has rarely happened to me. It started with a handful of big surprises that were work-related. Things that stopped the work that was being done so they could be addressed. I was fortunate to be involved, but these were all out of the normal uncertainty you face in HR. Draining, stressful, emotional. All moving forward, but it was like multiple trains hitting at once.

Add in the normal commitments I have – Chairing a non-profit board, teaching a small group at my church, DisruptHR Cincinnati, and co-hosting an over-50s group with my wife for our monthly social get together (all of them wonderful).

Then, on Friday, I learned that my best friend is having significant surgery on Saturday. He checked in to inform me and ask for prayer. A 10-hour procedure. I adore him, and we are like family. On Saturday, my 87-year-old mother, who lives out of town, called to tell me she may have lost sight in her left eye. She called to inform and reassure me. Reassure me !! She was good and had support from friends and family. I felt like I was being pulled in 1,000 different emotional directions. Then, I get a text from our daughter asking if my wife and I can get to her in Indy that day. This wasn’t usual for her to reach out so urgently. We dropped everything and got in the car. When we connected, we listened to her, assessed options, and connected her with the resources she needed. My wife stayed with her, and I returned home with her dog. On Sunday night, I became ill, and it’s just shaking off now as I type.

I’m not sharing this as some truth or dare example of – Can you believe I’m facing all of this ?? No, life is full of ebbs and flows, joys and trials. I just hadn’t had everything hit like this in such a short period of time, so I did something I rarely do – I asked for help.

You see, I’ve tried to live my life as one who gives help whenever asked and with little hesitation. I’ve always known that I was wired to be available for others. I’m just not as open to asking for help myself. I’m embarrassed by that. It’s a mix of self-assurance, confidence, and the thought that I can weather any storm. That’s arrogant. That’s just me. However, I also think as HR pros we are constantly in roles where we lend help to others – but won’t ask for it ourselves. It’s not healthy or sustainable.

I know that my story and series of circumstances that have hit are not unique or greater than or lesser than what every person faces in some form or fashion daily. What I have learned, though, is that reaching out, being vulnerable, and candid only did this . . . Friends, co-workers, and family instantly stepped in to offer whatever was needed without question. Some help came in the form of hugs, tears, check-ins, notes of encouragement, and prayer. It was as overwhelming as the past week.

I always share about how we are better together (which is true !!) – with one addition. You have to be willing to ask for help when it’s needed because THAT brings us together. Don’t go through life alone. You don’t have to. Reach out. Make the ask.

What, Me Worry ??

This Valentine’s Day weekend, my wife joined me on a quest that was bent far more toward my interests than hers. There’s currently a special art exhibition showing at the Cincinnati Art Museum that completely captured my childhood and teenage years. It’s a full history of the art of the incomparable MAD Magazine !!

As a child of the 1970s and 1980s, I don’t know that I missed an issue of this phenomenal publication. It was filled with intricate illustrations, endless satire, and opened my eyes to world issues without me even knowing it. I loved diving into the parodies of popular movies and television shows. I also learned more about the national and global political landscape than I ever did watching the evening news with my parents. You may not remember a time before cell phones and social media, but I lived through it (and survived !!) We found our entertainment through publications like MAD Magazine.

I have to thank Debbie, who willingly went through panel after panel of examples of cartoons with me. The smile on my face couldn’t be erased, and I laughed out loud at several of the displays, reading them as I did as a teenager. There were multiple examples of the genius of artists Al Jaffee, Don Martin, Mort Drucker, Sergio Argonés, and Norman Mingo. Those names may mean little to many people, but they brought the magazine to life !! I fondly remember trying to replicate the drawings of Don Martin, specifically. I loved his style and still doodle long-faced characters as he created.

The iconic staple of almost every issue of MAD Magazine was the ever-present gap-toothed mascot, Alfred E. Neuman. His tag line was, “What, Me Worry?” It encapsulated the whole vibe of this somewhat irreverent monthly. Regardless of what was happening in this ever-turbulent world of ours, Alfred never seemed to be concerned. His countenance didn’t change, and his simple, non-descript feeling of contentment always grabbed my attention. He was consistent and unflappable, even when everything else seemed to be off kilter.

I know far too many people who live a life that is defined by worry and fret. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. It could be personal, work-related, or something happening around the world. They are bound in a state of fear, wondering what could potentially happen. Each day, they are sure the worst possible outcome will occur. You can’t convince them differently.

This runs contrary to how I exist. I’ve never been one to worry. Seriously. It’s been frustrating to others in my life, including my wife, my kids, my friends, and my co-workers. Please don’t mistake the absence of worry for a lack of concern. Far from it. There are countless situations that concern me because I want the people in my life to thrive. I don’t like to see people who are consumed with fear, apprehension, and doubt. One of the biggest facets of my career in HR has been to be a calming force. We don’t talk about this nearly enough.

So much of the focus of HR continues to be on the do’s and don’ts of the workplace. Rules, policies, and procedures, unfortunately, define us more than care, concern, empathy, and approach. We fall into the confinement trap of practicing HR because of . . . worry. What would our jobs, our companies, and our cultures look like if we eliminated worry as the primary spark of our existence ?? I think we’d find that it would be far more productive, engaging, and relevant. Not kidding.

It would also change your perspective as an HR practitioner. Instead of bemoaning all that is difficult and challenging in working with people, you’d see the value of each person who is doing their best to get through life – just like you. I’m choosing to believe the best in others and be like Alfred E. Neuman. Stable. Unflappable. And, free of worry.

Life At 3 MPH

Are you someone who always seems to be in a hurry ?? Whether it’s work, home life, community activities, or just the myriad of thoughts that never seem to slow down in our minds. If we were honest, I think most of us are hurried. We don’t know anything different. In fact, I think it’s become so much the norm that we can’t think of going through a day without being rushed.

Now, it’s ironic that even though we’re in this constant state of hurriedness, we don’t like it. It’s exhausting. We look for ways to somehow slow the pace of life. We don’t succeed very often because if we try to slow down, the others around us don’t. Then we become anxious because we feel we’re behind. It’s an awful spiral to find yourself in !!

Being hurried is a choice. We may not think it is, but it is. The idea of living life at a constant blistering pace isn’t healthy. And, if you think that remaining constantly on the go makes you vastly more successful than others, you’re mistaken. We mistake activity for production. It’s just an activity. I’ve been thinking about this lately, because the pace of life seems to be far more out of control. Not only for me personally, but also for the people around me. People I work with and care for.

What I’ve found is that a hurried pace of life may get me somewhere quicker, but at what cost? I can’t tell you how many heavy sighs I exhale every day just to make sure I’m staying up with all that’s in front of me. Some of those sighs are to catch my breath. Others are signals of exhaustion and exasperation. Like most people I know, I’m a high-capacity person. I feel more complete when my life and days are full. Staying full is important. The challenge isn’t capacity. It’s maintaining a breakneck pace day in and day out.

I’ve decided that this has to change. I’m adopting the 3 MPH approach to life.

Did you know the average human walks at a pace of three miles per hour ?? How cool is that? When you approach your day, stay at the average pace of walking. When you do, you’ll naturally slow down. You can’t help yourself. When you start incorporating this intentionally slower lifestyle, you see the things around you that you used to rush by without noticing them at all. You’ll see people whom you could meet. There are scenes of nature that will all of a sudden come to life. It’s amazing !!

These things have most likely been present all the time; you just didn’t see them. Instead of holding onto a sinking feeling that you’re missing out on things unless you run at life with abandon, understand you’re actually missing more. Being still takes discipline. Slowing down will initially feel unnerving, but stay strong and stick with it. This week, slow down. Don’t keep seeking the pace you can’t keep. Try to live life at 3 MPH and see what happens !!

Calm in Chaos

When I was younger, I loved playing softball. I started when I was in college, playing on co-ed teams. Post graduation, I joined my cousin’s team for his law firm, a co-ed team we had with Young Friends of the Zoo (a volunteer group), and a men’s team through my church. I loved the pace, the camaraderie, and the chance to be a little “athletic.” Please note that I was never the best person on the team. Far from it. I could hold my own in the field and was a bit of a secret because I was one of the few left-handed players in each league.

I loved being on teams and competing. In some teams I was on, the focus was far more social than trying to take the league title. It was a nice balance to the men’s teams I was on that tended to be far more competitive. Quick reminder – these were softball teams. That didn’t seem to matter to some because their competitive juices would jump to the surface the moment the lineups were set. I enjoy winning. I don’t know who doesn’t. However, to win at all costs and with any level of behavior, not so much.

One other odd facet of playing on all of these various teams was that I usually became the team coach or manager. I was never the person who started the teams, but sometime during our season, I landed in the coaching chair. I loved it. This gave me more excitement than playing the games because I had the opportunity to check in on each member of our team to see how they were doing as humans. I’d go out of my way to ask about them, their families, their jobs, and keep track of how things were going. Making sure we were a unit was far more important to me than focusing on the few superstars we had on our roster.

One of the teams I was fortunate to lead for 20 years was always at the top of the standings. We were usually playing for the championship every year. We weren’t the most talented team ever. We were consistent and played together. I made sure we took time to encourage each other, whether we were batting or out in the field. I made sure we emphasized sportsmanship regardless of how the games progressed or the final outcome.

In most leagues, you find that you’re going to have one or two rivals. It just happens. Ironically, in our church league, we had such a rival. Our ragtag group of guys would take the field with the other team, who evidently had more financial backing than we did. Crisp uniforms, great equipment, etc. They were uber-competitive !! Trash talking, coarse language, and making fun of when our players performed at a standard less than they thought should be as elite softball players.

One time, as we were playing each other for the league championship, the tension was building each inning. My players were getting very frustrated with the tone and approach of our rivals. You could feel it was about to boil over and explode when I called a time-out. Instead of pulling our team together to rally them to stay calm and continue playing, I walked out to the center of the field. This was not how these were supposed to go.

I stood there and addressed our rivals and our team. I explained that there was no reason for this level of anger, frustration, and poor behavior. We were playing for our churches. It didn’t reflect who we should be, and I stated that if it continued, I was going to have us forfeit. We weren’t going to be a part of this. By the way, we were winning at this point.

A silence came over the entire field. The umpire came out to me and said, “I got this.” He called the captains of both teams together, and we had a reset. The game continued and was far more enjoyable. In the end . . . we lost. However, we kept calm in the midst of a very tense situation. As we shook hands after the game, the guys from the other team apologized, and we made peace.

Now, I understand that tensions rising during a church softball game isn’t “chaos.” Most people who consider things chaotic aren’t truly, but they are for them. We all encounter times in our lives where chaos erupts. The question is, who will lead people through what they are facing? There are far too many people who look to the loudest, most charismatic voice in the room. They may be loud, but that doesn’t automatically translate into leadership.

There’s also a difference in asking people to just calm down. That’s not helping either. We need to be leaders who remain calm ourselves. Take time to listen, assess, and then step in. By being the one who keeps calm during times of chaos, you’ll find people identify you as a leader. One that they can follow confidently.

Today, chaos seems to be happening everywhere. It gets more attention than those who choose to be calm. Stay strong. Be calm. Step in. Lead.

A Snow Day Reminder

My wife and I were hunkered down this weekend, anticipating the predicted winter storm. We were told that we’d get over a foot of snow. Now, living in Greater Cincinnati for the majority of my life, I have become skeptical of weather reports like this. In fact, several of the meteorologists slyly joked that we’d all be in our homes, wondering if the massive amount of snow would truly arrive.

Well, it did !! It started very slowly and then built up overnight while we were asleep. Sunday morning revealed a deep blanket of snow everywhere. That wasn’t even the end of the weather adventure. It continues to snow and accumulate as we saw more and more objects disappear under the encompassing white covering. Thankfully, we were safe, warm, and kept our power throughout the storm.

This weather was the talk of everyone around here on social media. Church services were canceled, stores and restaurants closed early, and we were sure all of the surrounding schools would be closed on Monday. This story isn’t unique. This particular storm reached across the majority of the U.S. with frigid temperatures, ice in many forms, and challenging circumstances.

The snowstorm forced me to slow down and reflect. Something I don’t do nearly enough. I was struck by the fact that while I was stuck in my house for a period of time, there were many who continued to work. People who, a mere six years ago, were considered “essential.” The road crews, public workers, hotel staff, hospital employees, and police and fire crews. That doesn’t even cover all of the folks who remain the backbone and foundation of the work being done all the time.

Once the pandemic receded into some form of normality, we quickly slipped back into a mindset of a work environment that is predominantly focused on professional-level office jobs. This is backwards and upside down. With 80% of the workforce occupying non-office roles, the focus is misplaced.

Honestly, wouldn’t it be better if every role, job, industry, and occupation were always considered essential ?? Why do we continue to only value people in certain roles when an emergency occurs? We’ve become so narrowly focused as a society. The only things that get our focus are those that affect us personally. We don’t take the time to raise our heads from the daily grind we find ourselves in to acknowledge or recognize the contributions of the many people around us. We still have the expectation of “getting things done” far more than valuing the talent and effort everyone brings daily in their given occupation.

No more. I want to be a person who happens to work in HR who is grateful and benefits from the work of those who don’t hold office positions. We all should have this mindset !! Let’s do what we can to turn the tide so we don’t have to have the next catastrophe hit in order to see the people who make up our foundation. Value everyone. Make sure they are all essential !!