Tag: Empathy

Fill the Potholes

My wife and I ventured this weekend to Indianapolis to visit our daughter. If you’ve been reading my blog for any time, you know we’ve had some adventures in working at her home. It’s only 105 years old !! You honestly wouldn’t know it with all of the sweat equity we’ve put in over the past 1 1/2 years. We enjoy helping her out and it’s fun to get your hands dirty as we continue to make her home come to life.

If you’ve ever watched those HGTV shows, anyone who ever buys a house makes changes. We all have different styles. Something that appealed to the previous homeowner may not fit the current owner. Melanie had been making style changes and repairs to get things updated and put her twist on things. What’s a bit intriguing is she is the 3rd most recent owner. The couple she purchased the home from did more living in the house with very little effort to keep things nice. She has been making alterations to the gentleman who owned the home before that.

He had done a good job. We met him last year and he explained that when he purchased her home it was falling apart. So he basically “flipped” it. One choice he made was contrary to how Melanie had grown up. I love landscaping !! One of the main reasons we purchased our home in 1991 was the lawn, trees, and landscaping. My kids have been working in the yard with me since they were very young. Some of our greatest experiences were spent in the yard and the beds getting them mulched and planting endless perennials.

Melanie’s beds at her home were covered in stone. The beds were either a thick layer of pea gravel or river rock. They didn’t look bad, but it’s not what she wanted. Well, in order to get the beds to where she could add topsoil and mulch, the rocks had to be removed. That may sound easy and on the surface, you’re fooled into thinking it will take just a few hours to remove the stones and prep the beds. It isn’t easy, and it didn’t take just a “few” hours.

My wife and I came to help take on the rock removal and two of her close friends volunteered to jump in as well. Once we started putting the rocks into wheelbarrows, we needed to decide where to place the stones. Did I mention that Indy is full of potholes? Not kidding. It’s a giant problem throughout their city. The alley that runs next to Mel’s house is fraught with them. If you tried to drive down the alley you are fearful your suspension is going to fail.

We saw an opportunity staring right at us. (Please note that our daughter tried to contact the community council and they said they’d look into it. Hmmm.)

So, we filled the potholes. Load after load. We moved hundreds of pounds of stones. Her neighbors came out and thanked her for looking out for them and taking action. It was a great feeling to be in a position to help them.

We started our day hoping to finish moving the stone out of both the front and back yard. You have to have goals !! We quickly realized getting the front yard done would be enough. Six hours later we went to a local brewery to enjoy a few adult beverages and talk about our day.

Once I had a chance to relax and not focus on my aching muscles and joints, I thought that we as HR pros could fill the potholes of those we work with. I’m not suggesting we fix people. I do, however, think we can give people our attention, focus, and effort. The number one need of people at work is to be acknowledged and recognized. Doing that helps mend the potholes they are all experiencing. You see, our time is just like the stones we moved. Giving people small doses of our time intentionally can repair any divots. It helps smooth out their day so they can perform.

This week, make the move and fill your HR wheelbarrow with your time, and then head into the alley. There are potholes waiting to be filled and you are just the right person to do that !!

Be a Care Partner

Throughout life, you are sure to encounter various challenges. We don’t desire that but you have to be realistic. Life wouldn’t be life without challenges. This past week, my wife and I started to face our most recent one.

I mention my wife often in my writing because I am so fortunate to have her in my life. As a couple, we balance each other. I tend to be outspoken, gregarious, eager to meet strangers, and someone who questions rules. She is stable, thoughtful, enjoys rules and structure, and warms up to people after meeting them a few times. There are other facets of our personalities that you could categorize as opposite – and that works for us.

She has always been supportive of my drive to be creative and always on the go just in case I can meet someone new. If I were someone who chose to spend their life with me, I’d wonder at times what I signed up for. On the other hand, she brings order and peace, which is incredibly attractive !! So, when she had knee replacement surgery last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to take care of her once again.

I say “again” because, in the past, she’s had extensive foot surgery, two shoulder surgeries, and now a knee. She’s decided to become bionic which is keeping her healthy and will give us more years to do life together. (One quick note, I read every blog I write to her before I publish it. She knows the topic and we aren’t breaking any HIPAA privacy rules.) Everything went smoothly and was successful. I was amazed that something so major is now an outpatient procedure !!

We came home and got her set up to start the road to recovery. I am there to assist her with actions she normally would do on her own. When I mentioned that Debbie was going to have surgery in my men’s group, I said, “I get to be her caregiver.” One of my friends corrected me. He said, “Be a care partner because you’re in this together.” That truly struck me.

Being a care partner is such a different perspective because it’s not one-sided and reminds you that more than one person is involved. This doesn’t lessen the challenge you both face, but it gives you more confidence that you can be a team to work through it together. It’s only been a few days into recuperation, but we’ve been taking the care partner approach and it’s made a huge difference.

While Debbie has been resting, I had time to contemplate. As a “partner,” you find yourself focused on others which runs contrary to what the world expects. We’re taught to be fiercely independent and stand on our own. However, I believe we are wired to be present and empathetic to others – always. This is true when you’re given the chance to care for a spouse, a partner, a parent, a child, a friend, a relative, and even a stranger.

You can be someone who chooses to care instead of being someone who chooses to avoid or deflect. We really don’t know what’s going on in the lives of the people we work with. Rarely do people take the time to be that open or vulnerable. I’m not calling for people to be more open, but I am encouraging you to be more mindful that EVERYONE you encounter has some form of “life” going on at every moment.

Acknowledging this will change your approach and lead you to be more caring and empathetic. In fact, it’s needed if you want to lead effectively. Self-centeredness only ends up tearing people apart. I’ve tried to be someone who models empathy and care at home, at work and everywhere I’ve been connected to other people. I was fortunate to see this modeled by my parents and extended family. It’s what I’ve known and what I hope to show and see in others.

This week look around to see where you can become a care partner. The opportunities are there. Step in, lend a hand, and see how those relationships grow and move forward !!