Tag: culture

The Gift of Service

This weekend, my wife and I went out to get some ice cream after dinner at home. This is a fairly regular occurrence because we enjoy going to local ice cream places. You’d think that people would be more likely to be in a jovial mood when you know you’re going to soon be savoring a frozen treat. That’s what you’d think . . .

We actually hit a bump in the road when we first arrived at one of our local ice cream places because someone forgot their wallet. (Not naming names.) This meant heading back home, getting my wallet, and heading back to where we just were. In the scope of life, this could either be seen as an inconvenience or something that ruins the entire experience. We saw it as an inconvenience. Sure, it slowed us from getting our ice cream treat, but how much did it really throw off our day? We pulled into the parking lot and headed to the window to order. The line was small, but we also saw a large group of people who were milling around waiting for their orders. One of the workers leaned out the window and calmly stated, “I’m sorry several of you are waiting for your orders, but our system went down, and the tickets aren’t printing. Can I get your orders again?” She was pleasant and provided context and a solution to the problem. So, you’d expect people to respond kindly.

Not so much.

“We’ve been waiting here 30 minutes !! I can’t believe you lost our orders !!” was the first response. Several others huffed noticeably as if everything was out of sorts. You could tell the guests were extremely frustrated. At the same time, the group of teenagers staffing the ice cream stand was concerned and anxious, knowing people were going to lose their minds . . . again. My wife and I sensed too much tension, so we decided to go to another ice cream place. We were hoping for a better outcome.

Not so much.

At the next store, we were standing in line, and the guest at the counter was asking question after question, assuring the young lady trying to help her that she was being wronged. She was arguing about prices, the lack of availability of certain menu items, and why her coupons on her phone couldn’t be used how she wanted them to be used. The worker asked if she’d like to talk to her manager, and the quick response was, “I guess !! I don’t know why this is so hard !!” My wife and I were waiting patiently for our chance to order. The manager came out to try and address the situation, and the guest ignored him. He asked if he could assist her, and she was flustered and confused as to who he was. I wanted to lean in to let her know that he was the manager. He shrugged and went back into the kitchen. She finally turned back to us and said, “I guess you two should go !!” with a tone of exasperation.

My wife and I ordered easily. We paid for our ice cream, and I said, “Thanks for helping us.” She smiled. It was as if she was grateful for someone to appreciate what she did. It didn’t take a superhuman effort to say “Thanks,” but you could tell our response was an exception for the experience she regularly received.

She’s not alone. The kids at the first ice cream stand and the staff at the second one have service-oriented jobs. Their entire role is designed to take care of others. Guests ignore this. I know this is a generalized statement, but give me a moment to explain. Every person on this planet has “life” going on. Every person. When you go somewhere to get service from someone else, what you’re facing or going through doesn’t dissipate. That doesn’t give you the right to unload on those who are trying to serve you. It just doesn’t.

They’re trying to do their best. Yes, they will make mistakes (just like you do). Yes, they will have technology fail (just like it happens to you). And they have life stuff they’re working through themselves (just like you). The people serving you are people – and you’re a people too. We need to remember this. It’s astonishing to me how so many people spend hours and hours complaining about service while ignoring that they are blessed to be in a position to even do things like go out to eat, stay at a hotel, receive medical care, or have someone help them during a crisis situation.

How much different would the world look if we acknowledged and recognized those who give us the gift of service? If people would pause, breathe, and then thank someone for all they do, we’d see the good in others instead of the errors made. When someone stumbles, if we showed patience and grace instead of lashing out and losing our temper over something that is truly minor, we’d be thankful for what we’re receiving.

When I started as an HR pro for a restaurant chain 20 years ago, my peers all bemoaned how difficult and challenging it would be. The service industry is thankless, they said. They were wrong. It’s the best industry I’ve ever had the pleasure to work in. I am privileged to work alongside those who serve for a living. I see how people treat them while they’re trying to make sure you have a great experience. I am in awe of how resilient and forgiving they are even when they hear complaint after complaint.

This week, do me a favor and reset your approach to life. I make sure to thank everyone who is in a service role every time I interact with them. Every. Time. No exceptions. This is true even if my experience hasn’t been the greatest. It takes no effort to be someone who gives encouragement. Doing this sets a different tone for folks. Someone knowing they’re seen, heard, and valued for providing a service is a difference maker. Be someone who knows that you’re a recipient of the gift of service. It matters. Let’s do it and change the world !!

Let Someone Know

I grew up in a house brimming with encouragement. My parents did this with ease. Sure, my brother and I received a word of correction or discipline every so often. However, it was because of our behavior each time. It wasn’t because my parents were on some unfounded rant of anger. Looking back on how fortunate we were to be raised in this way brings me to something I’d like to share with you.

My dad grew up on a farm. He was a hard worker his entire life. He would regale us with stories of how he and his twin brother were out taking care of the livestock and working in the fields when they were toddlers. We knew he was exaggerating, but when you saw how he worked as an adult, you had to wonder if some of those tales contained nuggets of truth. My mother also grew up on a farm where she was expected to pitch in and work. She did more traditional tasks within the house with her sisters while her two brothers were out in the fields handling the more physical tasks.

Even though they were both intentional, dedicated workers in their professional careers, one thing that distinguished them was how they would always express their devotion for one another. I can’t recall a single day when my dad didn’t embrace my mom warmly, give her a kiss, and say, “I love you. Always” before he headed off to work. Not once. It didn’t matter if he had a challenging day ahead of him or if he wasn’t feeling in the best of moods. He followed this pattern like clockwork. My brother and I would make faces of disgust as teenagers should while also admiring our dad’s open expression.

In addition to this daily ritual, both of our parents made sure to regularly praise my brother and me out loud during family dinners for any accomplishment we had attained. It didn’t matter if it was personal, academic, musical, or athletic. Each conversation was filled with genuine interest and encouragement. We were never pressed too harshly or told we were failing when that happened. You knew they were always in your corner. After I graduated from high school, I’d call back on our landline (a pre-cell phone world) to check in. My mom would inevitably answer, and she made sure that my dad picked up another phone so both of them could talk to me at the same time. The same support I had experienced each night at dinner began seamlessly to be shared again, even though I was miles and hours away.

This same pattern continued after college and through my adult life. When I got married, my wife started to be included in this circle of verbal encouragement the moment she met them. This was true when we had kids. They were bathed in words of affirmation, joy, love, and laughter. My brother and his family also experienced their ongoing affection, reassurance, and optimism. Our dad passed away in 2020, and our mom hasn’t missed a beat. She texts each grandchild every Tuesday with a word of encouragement. Every. Tuesday. They’re all adults themselves with careers and expanding families of their own.

I make sure to call my mom, now using my cell phone, at least weekly. She starts every conversation with, “Tell me what’s happening.” She wants to know what’s going on in my life first. I also check on her, but I never get the first pass to ask her about her life in the metropolis of Ada, Ohio. Once I do, she tells me about all of the people she’s encountered. Each one of them drips with the encouragement she has given them naturally. After every call, my bucket is filled once again just because we took the time to chat.

I was struck by the approach my parents modeled today. You see, we live in a world where encouragement is the exception rather than the rule. Most people go through their days not knowing, feeling, or experiencing anything other than discouragement, despair, anger, or frustration. People don’t hear words of affirmation or encouragement. We are all bombarded by countless waves of divisiveness that attempt to get us to dig in, take sides, and then berate anyone who dares to disagree with us.

I’ve never accepted this approach to life or others. Yes, I experience stress, disappointment, and angst. There are even rare times when these factors swallow me, which results in a blue funk that I’m not proud of. I try my best not to fall into that trap, but it happens. What gets me through is a mix of my faith and the knowledge that I can let others know I believe in them. Modeling the behavior my parents modeled for me is how I choose to live each day, even if I fall.

I make sure to embrace my wife and tell her I love her before heading to work. I do my best to encourage all those I encounter throughout my day, regardless of how busy or full I am. I’ll drop people a note, share a song of the day, or give them a call just to check in. I’m sharing these examples only to note this – Let people know how much they matter and that you’re thinking about them. Do this on purpose and out loud.

My wife and I are fans of the TV show Resident Alien. In one episode, the main character, Harry Vanderspiegle states, “A human lifespan can last 85 years, or more, if they are lucky. It may seem long to humans, but when compared to the age of planet Earth, a human life would only be 141 seconds long.” Our time here isn’t as long as we think.

Be the person who breaks through the noise. Be the person who is showing a more positive way to approach life and others. Be the one who refuses to live life negatively. Your words could pull them out of a dark place at the perfect time. They’ll never know unless you’re proactive. Use your words. Lift others up. Let them know !!

The Art of Reaching Out

Have you gone through dry seasons in life ?? No matter what you try, things still seem disconnected and distant. Any effort you make to break free from this funk just seems to pull you in deeper and deeper. I know I’m not alone in this. Not by a long shot !!

Quick disclaimer . . . I’m not in one of those seasons (right now), but what happened over the last week because of several interactions compelled me to write about this.

You see, I’ve had MANY folks reach out to me this week. More than normal. I’ve always been a person who seeks and enjoys connecting with people. It doesn’t really matter what the circumstance or setting is. I just love having rich conversations with other humans. If you are in the midst of a challenge, I’m interested. If you are contemplating how to move forward in the midst of change, I’m interested. If you’re burned out and feel at the end of your rope, I’m interested. If life is full, joyous, and exuberant, I’m interested.

Not kidding. I believe in the art of reaching out. I hold true to this so much that I’ll keep reaching out even if you don’t respond right away. People today feel more isolated and alone than any other time I can remember. That’s ironic because we have the ability to be more connected than at any other point in the history of humanity. I find that the majority of digital connection is one-sided. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s how we’ve chosen to use the platforms. They’re far more built on proclamations instead of interactions.

The conversations I’ve had over the past week with people have been emotional, raw, deep . . . and needed. You could see people’s shoulders relax and drop before a word was ever spoken. Just to have someone sit across the table and know they were going to be heard was enough. They knew that I was going to be present and attentive, which is all they really wanted . . . from someone. I say that because they shared how they had reached out to others, and no one offered up a chance to talk. Their lives were too busy at the moment, or at least that’s what they shared.

I had conversations about challenging life situations, people who are considering changing jobs, and fun stories about recent adventures someone had taken. Each one of them took time. It was time well spent whether the conversation took ten minutes or an hour and a half. You see, the only true thing I have on this planet to offer others is my time. Yes, I can share advice or opinions, although they may not be what the other person is seeking. The thing others desire most from us is our time.

Please note – this isn’t specifically about HR (although I think the same practice should be how we all approach HR); it’s about genuinely embracing others. Acknowledging that we need each other – all the time. I’m grateful for each person who reached out to me to chat. It’s been magnificent. I reached out to others as well.

I can’t encourage you enough to develop this skill. It matters more than you know. You may never see the full impact of the time you intentionally took. That’s not the point. It’s about others. It always has been !! This week, start practicing the art of reaching out. It may be just the thing that someone needed (including yourself !!)

Capture Your Thoughts

I don’t know about you, but I am easily distracted. It doesn’t take much either. I start each day with the best intentions to stay on track, but it’s a matter of moments when something pulls me in a direction I didn’t intend. Part of this constant shifting is because it’s how I’m wired. I have always been someone who is enamored by a multitude of stimuli striking at the same time. I’ve always been comfortable living like this. It is my “normal.”

This doesn’t include the external items that get my attention. Social media, streaming programming, and a multitude of conversations at home, work, and online. Not one of them is the same. Each one demands time and a splintered focus. Add to this the reality that not one of them follows a predictable pattern. You may think one conversation will only happen for a few minutes of your day. Then, when you finish it, you see that an hour has flown by. You hadn’t intended for that to be the case, but it happened. The other person(s) involved may have even entered into the conversation with their own timeframe planned out without even asking you.

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t say that I follow a playbook or a certain cadence when these distractions hit. I tend to be reactionary. Each person who needs your time and attention treats the item(s) they would like to discuss as THE priority of the day, at least for them. In fact, if you choose not to engage with them for viable reasons and ask for a moment to get something accomplished, just so you can see at least one thing marked off your list, you may ruin their day. Literally. If nothing else, they’ll tell you it did.

Please understand that I’m sharing the example of a regular day, not as a complaint, but as the reality of every person I know. What I described above is not unique to me. I find it to be how we each try to move throughout our days. We live in a fragmented world filled with an endless number of distractions. Now, on top of this, add in your personal thoughts. I don’t know about you, but I have thousands of thoughts that run through my mind on a regular basis. They’re yet another distraction.

Image from Sébestian Dubois of DeveloPassion – https://www.dsebastien.net/you-need-a-fourth-place-a-place-to-think/

The difference is that I choose to capture my thoughts. With all that is constantly swirling around me, I find that if I don’t capture my thoughts, then I may miss an idea that may truly change how work is done. What’s challenging about capturing your thoughts is that everyone tries to share their method with you as an exclusive approach, which should never be deviated from. If you’re a To-Do list person, then everyone else should be. It works for you, so it must automatically work for others !!

My prior boss used to write his TWIB notes (referencing This Week in Baseball) in a notebook that he carried around with him. In one of our check-in meetings, he gave me a notebook and told me I needed to follow his lead. It didn’t work. It’s a lesson we all need to learn from. Yes, you should have a method to capture your thoughts. However, it needs to be YOUR method, and not others. Your thoughts are unique. Therefore, your method to keep track of them should be as well.

I choose to use multiple notebooks, all with different themes. I affix stickers to the notebooks so I remember what theme, or set of ideas, lies within their pages. I also use multiple flip charts positioned all over my office. Each page includes several colors, doodles, and random notes. Add to this that I write a weekly newsletter, a weekly (mostly) blog, and I’ve written some books. Thoughts keep pouring out regardless of this multifaceted attempt to catch everything.

The key to remember is to take the time to jot down your great ideas in the midst of the whirlwind of the world of distractions we live in. Who knows? You may capture one thing that makes a significant difference for you personally or professionally. Find your method. Start grabbing those snippets that come to mind. It will help you find a way to move easily through all of the distractions that pull you in infinite directions.

Sweet Emotions !!

The alarm goes off, and a classic rock song wakes me abruptly from a DEEP sleep at 5:00 a.m. I stumble into the bathroom to shower and get ready in the dark. I make sure to be fully dressed because as I leave my bedroom, a four-legged ball of fury speeds past me. He pinned me against the wall at the top of the stairs, and then looked at me with fierce anticipation as I slowly took the stairs one at a time. I grabbed his leash and knew I had 20 minutes to take him on his morning constitutional. He was so eager to get outside and pull me down our cul-de-sac. He, of course, stopped every 2.5 feet to smell and take in every inch of his walk. He didn’t want to miss a thing.

After he obliged me on his walk, I took Wags back in and got ready to jump in my car to “really” start my day. His countenance dropped, and he seemed forlorn that I was leaving for the day without him. I decided to grab a cup of coffee at Cavu Coffee on my way to my Men’s Group. It’s a weekly ritual for me, but this one was special because my best friend’s celebration of life was later that afternoon. Hannah greeted me and thanked me for including her in my blog a few weeks earlier. She was touched and humbled. As I grabbed my large, steaming cup of Ethiopian brew, my cell phone rang. The leader of our small group was calling. That’s usually never a good sign because it’s so early in the morning.

I braced myself and then answered. I was right. He shared some tough news about someone we knew. He wanted to keep me in the loop. I told him I appreciated the heads-up. After the group, I headed into work. By 7:30 a.m., the emotional roller coaster I experienced had taken several unexpected twists and turns. Landing at the office only opened up a whole new plethora of emotions flying at me. There were conversations of encouragement, frustration, greeting, anxiety, and uncertainty. I hadn’t even been able to get all of my lava lamps, music, and laptop set up yet. This wasn’t unusual. In fact, it was the norm, and I loved it.

It was tough to keep focused throughout the day, because in the back of my mind, I knew that grief was about to land like an anvil when I left to get ready for Fred’s celebration of life. I headed home a bit early to brace myself when I was introduced to a new person – Addie. One of Melanie’s college friends, and one of our adopted daughters, Samantha, stopped by for a visit. When Addie started to fuss, I stopped working and asked Sam to give her to me because I had the touch to put her to sleep. After a few minutes of rocking Addie gently and rubbing her back, she nestled into my neck. She was out. The drool on my shirt was the proof.

It was so great to see Sam and Addie before heading to the funeral home. I was right; the wave of grief slammed into me as we pulled into the parking lot. We had a magnificent time at the celebration, filled with memories, stories, hugs, laughter, and tears. There were so many HR friends who made the trip to remember him and check on me. My emotional tank had been filled, emptied, filled again, and then slowly trickled out. A group of us went out for drinks and dinner. A new wave of emotions was kindled as there was more laughter and fond memories shared. We headed home about 10:00 p.m., and I was spent.

Note – that was just Friday !! I didn’t include how many emotions bombarded me, just the highlights.

My adults were in town for the full week on top of this. They came to the celebration to be supportive, which was so meaningful to me. When they’re home, it’s an endless stream of activity and energy. I’m grateful that they want to still be home with their parents and involve them in a multitude of activities. We are literally on the go constantly. They want to soak in every moment together and want to make sure Debbie and I are included. It is as if you’re at the edge of a beach, and the emotional waves crest and then land on you squarely on your chest. You sputter, gasp for breath, rub the salt from your eyes, and hope there’s a break when the next one is on top of you.

This is reality. I’m not complaining. I’m only trying to show that we are fully human – bursting with a constant change of emotions. It’s like we’re living in the Pixar movie Inside Out. You have to switch from one emotion to the other in a matter of seconds. You may experience so many emotions within a small amount of time that it’s easy to get overwhelmed. We don’t like this ever-shifting mix of ups and downs. We long for harmony and stability. Good luck. You’re with people.

I hear my HR peers, senior managers, and people leaders bemoan the emotional tsunami they face every day from every possible employee. They long for people to be predictable, confined, and level-headed. Small variations are “acceptable” IF the day is going smoothly. This is so unrealistic and an awful way to approach our profession and the workplace in general.

I am a VERY emotional person – just like you. I’ve chosen to embrace who I am and meet people where they are, regardless of how they present themselves or what they’re facing. I don’t freak out, overreact, or tell people things like, “Calm down,” or “It will be okay.” Emotions are natural. It’s how we were designed as humans. I’d have it no other way.

We need to come to terms with the fact that emotions are sweet. They are such a key factor in the makeup of people. Why should we put a damper on that ?? You need to know something – you really can’t.

This week, understand that the mix of sadness, joy, fear, disgust, and anger (to name a few) is going to happen to you and to others. Stop being crushed by the waves. Grab a surfboard and catch each wave to see where it goes.

Sunday morning at 2:30 a.m., another alarm snapped me out of slumber. I was taking our son to the airport for a flight leaving before dawn. As we met in the family room, he saw me and burst into tears. He fell into my arms, and his shoulders heaved as he wept. He knew it was time to fly back to California, but he was also leaving his home. I embraced him and wept as well. I told him everything was okay and that I loved him. I also told him that it was a joy to have him and his sister with us for the past week.

He took a deep sigh, pulled back, and wiped his eyes. “Just needed to get that out, Dad.” I replied, “I know. I think it’s sweet.” (Emotions)

A Fresh Coat of Paint

This past weekend, my wife and I traveled to Indianapolis to see our daughter Melanie. This is a normal occurrence for us. This past Christmas, I gave her a coupon book for a year’s worth of workdays. It’s always fun to visit and get our hands dirty. Melanie bought her house four years ago. We knew it would be an adventure because the house is over 100 years old !!

We spent much of the first year of her homeownership on major projects like painting, landscaping, laying flooring, improving walls, and cleaning out items the prior owner left behind throughout the house and garage. Since then, we’ve been adding touches to the house that she wants. It’s amazing to see the transformation from all we’ve done.

One of the last projects that needed to be tackled was her buffet in the dining room. It’s a beautiful piece, but it looked worn out. The first task we worked on was replacing the janky mix of glass and plexiglass in the four doors on the front of the buffet. We bought some wicker, measured it to size, and then stapled the material to the frames. It went very well . . . with one exception.

Did you know that staples come in different sizes ?? I didn’t. This matters because some of the staples we used broke through the frame. This chipped the paint and left the sharp ends of the staples protruding through the wood. To address this, we visited her local hardware store and found staples that were smaller but did the job. We loved the wicker. The chips in the paint were discouraging, though.

So, it was my task to get the buffet back in working order. Debbie and Melanie worked on organizing her basement, which took a detail-oriented focus (not my strength). I folded the edges of the staples that had broken through back into the frame and filled all of the holes with wood putty. There was a large section on the top of the buffet that had water damage. This needed a significant patch of wood putty. After the putty had dried, it was time to paint.

The buffet had been a dark, chocolate brown. We didn’t want to match the color. Melanie thought it needed a bit more vibrancy and life. We found paint called Leather Brown. We knew it could make a stark difference. We were right !!

With each brush stroke, the old, weathered buffet began to shine. The gloss from the paint popped as the sun shone through the adjacent windows. The small knicks, past water stains, and paint drops of other colors all disappeared. The surfaces looked new. You could imagine the furniture letting out a sigh of relief, knowing that it was going to have a renewed appearance. The first coat looked brilliant, and I was hopeful that’s all it would take. Not quite. There were some areas I missed, and some of the putty was peaking through. A second coat was needed. Not a problem. Thirty minutes later, every blemish had vanished. It was so refreshing to see how it turned out. Melanie was geeked to see it in its new state !!

As I was waiting for the paint to dry between coats, I went outside to do some trimming of plants in her back alley. It gave me time to think about how something so simple as a fresh coat of paint was so effective in giving the buffet new life. Couldn’t the same be said of our employees ??

Each one of us (Yes, we’re included) gets knicks, scrapes, and damage over the years. That just comes with time working together. It’s interesting, when you hear managers talk about their people, you hear how broken they are. It’s never the case, but it becomes the perception they have of others. We want to fall back on traditional methods to fix people, like performance reviews, coaching, or disciplinary action. We convince ourselves that if we have a stern enough talk and approach, people will snap to a new state of awareness and performance excellence. It’s folly. It always has been.

Our employees are like my daughter’s buffet. What they need, and long for, is our time, care, and attention. We have the opportunity to invest in our people so they can be renewed. Intentionally giving others our time is like giving them a fresh coat of paint. Each minute and hour we spend starts to make all those damage marks fade and eventually disappear. We need to quit thinking that building relationships is a waste of our time. Just the opposite. Every time we can clear our schedules, avoid distractions, and listen to those we work with, the company improves.

This week, get out your wood putty, painter’s tape, paint brush, and a fresh, new color. Sit down with your people on purpose and start adding that fresh coat. Trust me, they’re waiting for you to do this !!

Because I Want To . . .

This past weekend, I broke away from the normal hectic pace of life I find myself in to attend a retreat. It was a faith-based time away, and I was truly looking forward to it. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I wasn’t apprehensive in the least. We had no advanced agendas or topics. The only known fact we had was the time to arrive at the campground and check in. I was cool with that.

It was just what I needed personally. Time away. Time to reflect. Time to learn.

You see, I’m on the downhill side of my career. It’s something that comes to mind more with each passing week of the year. Please note that I don’t plan to have an abrupt stop to what I do, but I do plan to make a shift in a few years. I’m geeked about the time leading up to that transition, and also anticipating what could possibly be next. Just like the retreat, I have no advance information. For some, that could be overwhelming or daunting. I’ve never been a person who’s had to have everything lined out for me. I’m very comfortable stepping into the unknown and then seeing what will happen.

During this latter stage of my career, I was reminded by the retreat that I still have so much to learn. Not kidding. When you look at all of the possible information that exists, and the experiences I could have, I’ve barely scratched the surface after 62 years of wandering on this planet.

I love learning !! I always have. Finding new subjects and perspectives intrigues me. I try to be well-versed and expand my horizons. I’ll read about people whose thoughts and approaches to life run counter to what I believe. I feel it’s important to have an understanding of where people are coming from instead of making assumptions. I am hopeful that I’ll be someone who chooses to learn for the remainder of my life. I don’t see any reason to stop.

How about you ?? Are you someone who wants to constantly learn, or are you someone who has settled into a pattern where you’re comfortable? You have enough knowledge to get through your day. There’s little to no desire to stretch again. You find yourself worn out. Why in the world would you want to take on more ??

I think it comes down to a mindset. I don’t “have” to learn. I “want” to learn !! It’s a simple distinction that’s very powerful.

Too many people go through life reluctantly. They want little risk, little variability, and little change. Stability is valued far more than uncertainty. There’s no urge to learn more because they’ve hit a level of feeling they can perform with what they’ve already gathered over time.

I think that’s a miss. You see, I am a mix of someone who is very content in who I am and what I know, and who still has a burning desire to learn about what’s next, what’s new, and what’s possible. I find life and people to be truly fascinating !! There is so much that can be explored. There’s still so much to discover. I don’t want my life to be limited if it doesn’t have to be.

This week, I’d encourage you to pause and look around. Do you see some learning opportunities you could step into? Are there people you could meet and have a rich conversation with? Learn because you want to. It makes each day an adventure.

Ask For Help

You may not know this, but one of the outreaches I facilitate is an HR newsletter and forum called the HR Net. It goes out to over 14,000+ people globally each week. I write an intro called – “A Note from Steve . . .” This past week’s note felt like it needed to be posted to my blog and other platforms. It really struck me, and the response was overwhelming. So, I’m posting it here – give it a read.

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You have all been so kind to allow me to send you this newsletter. I am starting this one out a bit differently.

I love sharing stories and experiences, and how I see HR woven in most things like an invisible tapestry. This is another story that’s a bit more personal than usual.

Quick HR disclaimer: Everything is good. You’ll understand when you read on. Just want to reassure you before jumping in.

This past week has been overwhelming in a way that has rarely happened to me. It started with a handful of big surprises that were work-related. Things that stopped the work that was being done so they could be addressed. I was fortunate to be involved, but these were all out of the normal uncertainty you face in HR. Draining, stressful, emotional. All moving forward, but it was like multiple trains hitting at once.

Add in the normal commitments I have – Chairing a non-profit board, teaching a small group at my church, DisruptHR Cincinnati, and co-hosting an over-50s group with my wife for our monthly social get together (all of them wonderful).

Then, on Friday, I learned that my best friend is having significant surgery on Saturday. He checked in to inform me and ask for prayer. A 10-hour procedure. I adore him, and we are like family. On Saturday, my 87-year-old mother, who lives out of town, called to tell me she may have lost sight in her left eye. She called to inform and reassure me. Reassure me !! She was good and had support from friends and family. I felt like I was being pulled in 1,000 different emotional directions. Then, I get a text from our daughter asking if my wife and I can get to her in Indy that day. This wasn’t usual for her to reach out so urgently. We dropped everything and got in the car. When we connected, we listened to her, assessed options, and connected her with the resources she needed. My wife stayed with her, and I returned home with her dog. On Sunday night, I became ill, and it’s just shaking off now as I type.

I’m not sharing this as some truth or dare example of – Can you believe I’m facing all of this ?? No, life is full of ebbs and flows, joys and trials. I just hadn’t had everything hit like this in such a short period of time, so I did something I rarely do – I asked for help.

You see, I’ve tried to live my life as one who gives help whenever asked and with little hesitation. I’ve always known that I was wired to be available for others. I’m just not as open to asking for help myself. I’m embarrassed by that. It’s a mix of self-assurance, confidence, and the thought that I can weather any storm. That’s arrogant. That’s just me. However, I also think as HR pros we are constantly in roles where we lend help to others – but won’t ask for it ourselves. It’s not healthy or sustainable.

I know that my story and series of circumstances that have hit are not unique or greater than or lesser than what every person faces in some form or fashion daily. What I have learned, though, is that reaching out, being vulnerable, and candid only did this . . . Friends, co-workers, and family instantly stepped in to offer whatever was needed without question. Some help came in the form of hugs, tears, check-ins, notes of encouragement, and prayer. It was as overwhelming as the past week.

I always share about how we are better together (which is true !!) – with one addition. You have to be willing to ask for help when it’s needed because THAT brings us together. Don’t go through life alone. You don’t have to. Reach out. Make the ask.

What, Me Worry ??

This Valentine’s Day weekend, my wife joined me on a quest that was bent far more toward my interests than hers. There’s currently a special art exhibition showing at the Cincinnati Art Museum that completely captured my childhood and teenage years. It’s a full history of the art of the incomparable MAD Magazine !!

As a child of the 1970s and 1980s, I don’t know that I missed an issue of this phenomenal publication. It was filled with intricate illustrations, endless satire, and opened my eyes to world issues without me even knowing it. I loved diving into the parodies of popular movies and television shows. I also learned more about the national and global political landscape than I ever did watching the evening news with my parents. You may not remember a time before cell phones and social media, but I lived through it (and survived !!) We found our entertainment through publications like MAD Magazine.

I have to thank Debbie, who willingly went through panel after panel of examples of cartoons with me. The smile on my face couldn’t be erased, and I laughed out loud at several of the displays, reading them as I did as a teenager. There were multiple examples of the genius of artists Al Jaffee, Don Martin, Mort Drucker, Sergio Argonés, and Norman Mingo. Those names may mean little to many people, but they brought the magazine to life !! I fondly remember trying to replicate the drawings of Don Martin, specifically. I loved his style and still doodle long-faced characters as he created.

The iconic staple of almost every issue of MAD Magazine was the ever-present gap-toothed mascot, Alfred E. Neuman. His tag line was, “What, Me Worry?” It encapsulated the whole vibe of this somewhat irreverent monthly. Regardless of what was happening in this ever-turbulent world of ours, Alfred never seemed to be concerned. His countenance didn’t change, and his simple, non-descript feeling of contentment always grabbed my attention. He was consistent and unflappable, even when everything else seemed to be off kilter.

I know far too many people who live a life that is defined by worry and fret. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. It could be personal, work-related, or something happening around the world. They are bound in a state of fear, wondering what could potentially happen. Each day, they are sure the worst possible outcome will occur. You can’t convince them differently.

This runs contrary to how I exist. I’ve never been one to worry. Seriously. It’s been frustrating to others in my life, including my wife, my kids, my friends, and my co-workers. Please don’t mistake the absence of worry for a lack of concern. Far from it. There are countless situations that concern me because I want the people in my life to thrive. I don’t like to see people who are consumed with fear, apprehension, and doubt. One of the biggest facets of my career in HR has been to be a calming force. We don’t talk about this nearly enough.

So much of the focus of HR continues to be on the do’s and don’ts of the workplace. Rules, policies, and procedures, unfortunately, define us more than care, concern, empathy, and approach. We fall into the confinement trap of practicing HR because of . . . worry. What would our jobs, our companies, and our cultures look like if we eliminated worry as the primary spark of our existence ?? I think we’d find that it would be far more productive, engaging, and relevant. Not kidding.

It would also change your perspective as an HR practitioner. Instead of bemoaning all that is difficult and challenging in working with people, you’d see the value of each person who is doing their best to get through life – just like you. I’m choosing to believe the best in others and be like Alfred E. Neuman. Stable. Unflappable. And, free of worry.

Life At 3 MPH

Are you someone who always seems to be in a hurry ?? Whether it’s work, home life, community activities, or just the myriad of thoughts that never seem to slow down in our minds. If we were honest, I think most of us are hurried. We don’t know anything different. In fact, I think it’s become so much the norm that we can’t think of going through a day without being rushed.

Now, it’s ironic that even though we’re in this constant state of hurriedness, we don’t like it. It’s exhausting. We look for ways to somehow slow the pace of life. We don’t succeed very often because if we try to slow down, the others around us don’t. Then we become anxious because we feel we’re behind. It’s an awful spiral to find yourself in !!

Being hurried is a choice. We may not think it is, but it is. The idea of living life at a constant blistering pace isn’t healthy. And, if you think that remaining constantly on the go makes you vastly more successful than others, you’re mistaken. We mistake activity for production. It’s just an activity. I’ve been thinking about this lately, because the pace of life seems to be far more out of control. Not only for me personally, but also for the people around me. People I work with and care for.

What I’ve found is that a hurried pace of life may get me somewhere quicker, but at what cost? I can’t tell you how many heavy sighs I exhale every day just to make sure I’m staying up with all that’s in front of me. Some of those sighs are to catch my breath. Others are signals of exhaustion and exasperation. Like most people I know, I’m a high-capacity person. I feel more complete when my life and days are full. Staying full is important. The challenge isn’t capacity. It’s maintaining a breakneck pace day in and day out.

I’ve decided that this has to change. I’m adopting the 3 MPH approach to life.

Did you know the average human walks at a pace of three miles per hour ?? How cool is that? When you approach your day, stay at the average pace of walking. When you do, you’ll naturally slow down. You can’t help yourself. When you start incorporating this intentionally slower lifestyle, you see the things around you that you used to rush by without noticing them at all. You’ll see people whom you could meet. There are scenes of nature that will all of a sudden come to life. It’s amazing !!

These things have most likely been present all the time; you just didn’t see them. Instead of holding onto a sinking feeling that you’re missing out on things unless you run at life with abandon, understand you’re actually missing more. Being still takes discipline. Slowing down will initially feel unnerving, but stay strong and stick with it. This week, slow down. Don’t keep seeking the pace you can’t keep. Try to live life at 3 MPH and see what happens !!