Tag: intentional

One More Coffee . . .

It happened every week. I’d see his face pop up on my phone screen with his bright countenance and smile. At times, I couldn’t get to his call fast enough. Regardless, I’d hear, “ROOMIE !!! Fred. How’s it going? Good. Hey, let’s get together and have a coffee or an adult beverage. I know you’re busy, but I’d love to see you.”

It was like clockwork. I knew that Fred would always check in with me. We’d try to meet every once in a while when he was still working. Ever since he had retired, we had gotten together more often. I felt bad when I couldn’t meet with him due to work, travel, or other commitments. He always understood and remained undeterred. He knew we’d get together eventually.

Each time we met, we’d cover all of the important topics – faith, family, work, and of course, HR !! He always wanted to hear about my adventures speaking and what was still happening in the field. He’d listen to my stories, and we’d howl with laughter. It didn’t matter that others were seated around us. He would glow with stories about his wife, Karen, his daughters, Heather and Kim, and his grandchildren. He only said encouraging things about them. Also, he intentionally made sure to ask about my wife Debbie and our kids, Melanie and Josh. Always. He never missed it. Ever.

Our regular meeting place was a table for two in the back corner of Cavu Coffee. It’s an independent coffee shop. I dig the vibe and the staff whom I know most by name. I’d always make sure to get there a few minutes before Fred so I could make sure to buy his coffee. I cherished the time I had with him far more than any cost. We’d always order the same thing. I’d get a large black light roast, and he’d get a medium light roast – with room for cream. We’d wait at the counter and then saunter over to our table.

As Fred was ill and trying to recover from his recent back surgery, I told him he had to get better so we could get back and have another coffee. He smiled when I mentioned that and told me he would love to !! Every time I’d visit him, I’d tell him he needed to do what he could to recover because our coffee was waiting. Unfortunately, Fred’s health continued to wane. I went to see him last Sunday after church, and I knew that the inevitable was coming. The next day, Heather texted me and told me I needed to come quickly if I wanted to say goodbye. I left work early to go and sit by the bedside of my best friend.

As I talked to him, I told him about Debbie and the kids one more time. I prayed over him, told him I loved him, and that I was so grateful that he was such an integral part of my life. I told him that he still owed me a coffee. I bent over and kissed him on the forehead. He died on Wednesday. I was, and still am, crushed.

On Friday morning, I was at the door of Cavu Coffee as it opened at 6:00 am. Hannah greeted me as she usually does. I told her that I had a unique request. I wanted to buy two coffees – one large light roast and one medium light roast with room for cream. I went back to the corner table and had one more coffee with Fred.

It wasn’t quite the same, but I wanted to make sure to do this. You see, Fred provided something for me (and so many others) – deep friendship. He was an anchor in my life, and I knew I could count on him. Likewise, I did my best to be an anchor for him in return. My hope was that I would have had years and years to savor our coffees together. However, we aren’t guaranteed the time we hope will be in front of us.

I know there are too many people in my life who don’t have an anchor as I did with Fred. That shouldn’t be the case. With all that life throws at us, you need at least one other person who will ride alongside you no matter what you both face.

I’ve decided that I want to continue being someone who keeps my corner table open and welcomes anyone who’s willing to dive deep and develop a meaningful, truly lifetime relationship. I don’t want to miss anyone. I hope to be Fred for someone else – for years to come. Because, you see, there’s always time for . . . one more coffee.

You Are Not Alone

The past month has been a time for me to refresh my need to be surrounded by my HR peers. I was fortunate to speak at both the Virginia/DC SHRM and Illinois SHRM State Conferences. Let me make sure you understand the biggest takeaway from both of these events.

There are sooooooooo many HR peers out in the field that I have yet to connect with or know.

You may wonder why that even matters. Let’s turn back the clock for a moment. This year, in June, I’ll be celebrating my 40th year as an HR professional. That seems surreal. Over this extended time, I’ve learned so much. I continue to be as engaged and passionate about the field I chose four decades ago. If I could split my time in HR in half, I’d see one very distinct shift that mattered more than any other.

No, it wasn’t who I worked with, who my boss was, or what role I held. The first 20 years of my journey, I worked as an HR department of one. That means I had no one I could easily go to to ask questions or bounce ideas off. I was a lone ranger. The fact is, I didn’t even think that others were in human resources. My focus was primarily on my work and my daily job. I never thought about seeking out others. I didn’t know others existed. Sadly, that limited me in ways I wasn’t even aware of. I was a self-taught HR practitioner with few resources.

Right around the turn of the century, I happened to join the local HR Roundtable in Cincinnati. That simple step opened up a world to me, as if I had been a pioneer exploring a new frontier. Suddenly, I was surrounded and connected to several peers. It was magnificent !! Once I began to realize I could intentionally connect with others in HR, I never stopped. And, I don’t intend to.

The two conferences had 700 and 450 people, respectively. I did my best to reach all of them. I know how challenging our jobs are without having connections. It’s nearly impossible. Most of them were eager to connect as well. Most, not all. That always crushes me. I want people to have the faith that others in the industry are people to believe in and learn from.

My experience has been that the more people I meet, the more meaningful relationships I form. This leads to being a resource for others while also having the ability to reach out to them and ask them for their insight and advice. I’ve yet to find a peer in HR anywhere around the world who wasn’t willing to have a professional reciprocal relationship. I can assure you that I could reach out at a moment’s notice to ask for someone to share their experiences on a situation, and my inbox would be filled within moments.

As part of my mission to connect people with purpose, I’ve partnered with People Over Perks by Leapsome — an HR community built for candid, peer-to-peer conversations. It’s a global gathering of professionals who regularly share ideas, best practices, and real-world approaches in an environment that actually feels safe to do so.

What makes People Over Perks genuinely different? It’s completely sales-free. Leapsome hosts the community but never uses it to promote their platform, and joining won’t land you on a sales call list. They wanted to create a space where HR peers can congregate and gather. They realize that HR folks need each other. That we’re better together !!

One other amazing facet of belonging to this community is that there’s no cost to belong – ever.

It didn’t take much to have me jump right in. I welcomed the chance to get to meet and interact with more HR peers. And, I’d love to have you join me as well.

Here’s the link to do that: https://hubs.li/Q04dPscd0

Make this your pivot point as I did 20 years ago. You don’t have to be alone in HR. You shouldn’t be. Find your community. Take the first step with People Over Perks. You’ll be glad you did !!

A Fresh Coat of Paint

This past weekend, my wife and I traveled to Indianapolis to see our daughter Melanie. This is a normal occurrence for us. This past Christmas, I gave her a coupon book for a year’s worth of workdays. It’s always fun to visit and get our hands dirty. Melanie bought her house four years ago. We knew it would be an adventure because the house is over 100 years old !!

We spent much of the first year of her home ownership on major projects like painting, landscaping, laying flooring, improving walls, and cleaning out items the prior owner left behind throughout the house and garage. Since then, we’ve been adding touches to the house that she wants. It’s amazing to see the transformation from all we’ve done.

One of the last projects that needed to be tackled was her buffet in the dining room. It’s a beautiful piece, but it looked worn out. The first task we worked on was replacing the janky mix of glass and plexiglass in the four doors on the front of the buffet. We bought some wicker, measured it to size, and then stapled the material to the frames. It went very well . . . with one exception.

Did you know that staples come in different sizes ?? I didn’t. This matters because some of the staples we used broke through the frame. This chipped the paint and left the sharp ends of the staples protruding through the wood. To address this, we visited her local hardware store and found staples that were smaller but did the job. We loved the wicker. The chips in the paint were discouraging, though.

So, it was my task to get the buffet back in working order. Debbie and Melanie worked on organizing her basement, which took a detail-oriented focus (not my strength). I folded the edges of the staples that had broken through back into the frame and filled all of the holes with wood putty. There was a large section on the top of the buffet that had water damage. This needed a significant patch of wood putty. After the putty had dried, it was time to paint.

The buffet had been a dark, chocolate brown. We didn’t want to match the color. Melanie thought it needed a bit more vibrancy and life. We found paint called Leather Brown. We knew it could make a stark difference. We were right !!

With each brush stroke, the old, weathered buffet began to shine. The gloss from the paint popped as the sun shone through the adjacent windows. The small knicks, past water stains, and paint drops of other colors all disappeared. The surfaces looked new. You could imagine the furniture letting out a sigh of relief, knowing that it was going to have a renewed appearance. The first coat looked brilliant, and I was hopeful that’s all it would take. Not quite. There were some areas I missed, and some of the putty was peaking through. A second coat was needed. Not a problem. Thirty minutes later, every blemish had vanished. It was so refreshing to see how it turned out. Melanie was geeked to see it in its new state !!

As I was waiting for the paint to dry between coats, I went outside to do some trimming of plants in her back alley. It gave me time to think about how something so simple as a fresh coat of paint was so effective in giving the buffet new life. Couldn’t the same be said of our employees ??

Each one of us (Yes, we’re included) gets knicks, scrapes, and damage over the years. That just comes with time working together. It’s interesting, when you hear managers talk about their people, you hear how broken they are. It’s never the case, but it becomes the perception they have of others. We want to fall back on traditional methods to fix people, like performance reviews, coaching, or disciplinary action. We convince ourselves that if we have a stern enough talk and approach, people will snap to a new state of awareness and performance excellence. It’s folly. It always has been.

Our employees are like my daughter’s buffet. What they need, and long for, is our time, care, and attention. We have the opportunity to invest in our people so they can be renewed. Intentionally giving others our time is like giving them a fresh coat of paint. Each minute and hour we spend starts to make all those damage marks fade and eventually disappear. We need to quit thinking that building relationships is a waste of our time. Just the opposite. Every time we can clear our schedules, avoid distractions, and listen to those we work with, the company improves.

This week, get out your wood putty, painter’s tape, paint brush, and a fresh, new color. Sit down with your people on purpose and start adding that fresh coat. Trust me, they’re waiting for you to do this !!

Find Your Vibe !!

A week ago, I was fortunate to be the opening keynote speaker for the Virginia/DC SHRM State Conference. Having the opportunity to meet new people and also see old friends is something that has always filled my bucket. Getting to share ideas and concepts to have people think about HR in new ways is a bonus.

The volunteer leaders did an incredible job to match the theme of the conference – You Can’t Spell Hero Without HR !! Their planning details covered every aspect of the event. Their energy permeated each session. They even gave out capes to the speakers !! I had a wonderful time meeting a ton of new HR peers I hadn’t encountered over the years.

Another very positive reality in attending these events now is that my wife Debbie is traveling with me. It speaks to how amazing she is as my partner. Her willingness to go and be surrounded by HR pros who she doesn’t know is admirable. I’m very comfortable meeting strangers. In fact, I long for the chance to do so. I am confident that I’ll learn something new from each person I meet. Debbie prefers to surround herself with a smaller group of people she knows. This takes a ton of effort and stretching for her to hang with me at conferences, and I appreciate that she’s there by my side.

Once we’re done with my responsibilities at conferences, we are now taking the time to explore the cities/towns we’re visiting. You can learn so much about the world IF you choose to explore it. Too often, we get caught up in the tasks we have planned that we miss the hidden treasures that each city holds. We’re very intentional in breaking out of the “to-do” mentality and turning into adventurers instead.

The conference was being held in Virginia Beach this year. We had visited the beach, the incredible boardwalk, and the massive statue of Neptune with our kids when they were younger. We didn’t take in much more than the regular tourist highlights that most people see. This time, we dove deeper to see what we could find. In doing that, we found a true treasure – the ViBe Creative District !! It’s a neighborhood away from the retail and boardwalk side of Virginia Beach that is covered in art. There are over 200 murals covering walls, fences, garage doors, streets, and a series of obelisks. Everywhere you look, you find them. Each one has its own style. There are murals that are easy to understand right next to those that are abstract. There are ones which are vibrant and leap off the surface where they’re painted. Next to them are muted, subtle pieces.

We wandered for several hours on foot to try to make sure we didn’t miss any of the creations. In between our exploration, we paused to enjoy a smoothie and a snack at the eclectic Bad Ass Coffee. It was the perfect afternoon !! We shared the pictures we had taken so far with each other. It was fascinating to see which murals Debbie chose to capture vs. what I chose. We had many in common, but even then, those were unique because of the angles we looked at each one.

What I loved about the whole district was seeing the vast variety of art. Each person who had painted their mural had to have had an idea, a concept, and an approach to bring their work to life. They had found their vibe to add to the ViBe district. They didn’t know how people would take in or interpret their art. They most likely didn’t care. It was more important to create than be concerned about someone’s opinion.

After we wrapped up our time meandering through the district, I had a chance to reflect a bit. How much of what I do has a creative touch to it? Have I found my vibe in practicing HR ?? I tend to think so, but I wanted to pause and make sure. It’s very easy to slip into a place of complacency and redundancy. Much of what we do on a daily basis is repetitive in some way. You can get lulled into a pattern that lacks any sense of innovation.

Walking through the forest of murals rekindled my desire to make sure not to be someone who settles. I want to look at each situation as if it were a blank wall waiting for an artist to bring out the painting hidden beneath the surface. I not only want to find my vibe, but I also want to sustain it !!

How about you? Do you need to break out of a funk you may find yourself in? Are you tired of the daily rut of HR? If so, pause, pick up your paint brushes, and start creating. Take the steps you need to take and find your vibe !!

Thank You for Being a Friend !!

When you hear the word “friend,” what comes to mind ?? I can answer this simply – Fred.

My best friend, Fred Eck, has been an integral part of my life for almost 30 years. He’s retired and happened to be in HR. I can’t adequately capture how much Fred means to me. He introduced me to his peers when I was just starting my career. He opened doors I didn’t even see.

He had been a trailblazer as a local SHRM chapter volunteer before I even knew what a chapter was. He held roles at the local and state levels. When he and I first started hanging out together, he introduced me to his peers who had also been trailblazers in their own right. He made sure I was included and fit in with this OG group.

I think the tipping point of friendship for us happened when we were both volunteering on the Ohio SHRM State Conference Committee. I had just started speaking at chapters and was about to speak at the State Conference for the first time. One thing to note – Fred and I both live in suburbs in northern Cincinnati. We’ve always been about 20 minutes from each other. So, we would carpool to meetings that happened in Sandusky, Ohio, which is 4 1/2 hours north of where we lived. During these treks, we never lacked in topics to discuss. Never. We’d both have a giant cup of coffee and some snacks as we took to the road before dawn. The conversations started the moment we were both strapped in.

Back to the conference . . .

My session was on Friday morning at 7:00am. We had been out with our crew for hours singing and enjoying a “few” adult beverages. About 2:00am, I tapped out, and I said, “I need to get a little sleep, or at least try.” Fred said he’d be in the front row. He rolled into our room about 4:30am. Champion. Guess who was in the front row helping me set up for my session at 6:45am ?? He was fully present, alert, and geeked to see me present. THAT is a friend !!

I could write a book filled with stories about our friendship. I nominated him for Mentor of the Year at our local chapter because I promise you, I wouldn’t have been the person I’ve become in the industry without him by my side. A few years ago, I was present when the Ohio SHRM State Conference named and awarded the first Fred Eck Committee Member of the Year award. He’s a force !!

Four weeks ago, Fred called me to let me know he was going to have extensive back surgery. He wanted me to know and asked for prayers. He knew I had him covered. I told him I would make sure to be there when he got out. The surgery went well, and I’m grateful. His recovery has been a lot tougher than he had hoped for. It’s very tedious and slow. He’s positive as ever, even though Father Time has taken a big chunk from the man I know and love. My wife and I have been able to visit him, and that will continue for as long as he needs. He’s always been there for me. I will always be there for him !!

I write this story for encouragement. Too many people in this world may have acquaintances, but few have friends. Seriously. You may have oodles of connections personally or on social media, but few of them cross over to deep relationships. That needs to change.

You see, I am a FIERCE friend !! If you choose to connect with me, get ready because I will pour into you as much as you allow. Like most people, I’ve had friends come and go over time due to various reasons of time, distance, or interests. I wish that wasn’t the case, but I don’t know how to stop that from occurring. I do my best to cultivate friendships often. I do this at work, in my church, in the community, and throughout HR. I ache when I know people don’t have close friendships.

So, let me leave you with two things: (1) You weren’t meant to go through life alone. You just weren’t. And (2) Be a friend first. Take the steps as Fred did, and step into the lives of others. Trust me, they’re yearning for it.

When I visited Fred this weekend, we shared LaRosa’s pizza (a Cincinnati tradition) and enjoyed an unhurried conversation. I look forward to the day when we can talk for hours and hours with ease once again. I’ll need to wait for that. As I left, Debbie took a picture of us together because that defines us. I shook his hand, told him I loved him, and that I’d continue to pray and shed a few tears. I hate seeing my friend suffer. He needed to know how thankful I am for his friendship !!

To keep the theme going, here’s a song that was great long before they used it as the theme for The Golden Girls. Andrew Gold captures friendship perfectly. Give it a listen !!

A Good Walk !!

My wife, Debbie, and I recently had an extended visitor at our house. It was our daughter’s sheepdoodle, Wags. We love our granddog, and it’s a joy when he excitedly romps around our house. We had him for a week before, but he needed to visit for a bit longer this time. So, we had him for three full weeks !!

Some people enter the phase of their lives as empty nesters with trepidation and hesitancy. That was not us. We deeply love our kids (adults). We love that they’ve taken flight and found new homes and cities to live in. We continue to be a very close-knit family regardless of space and time zones. As an empty nester, you get used to living with just you two in the house. There was a small adjustment at first, but then we easily adapted to our new norm.

We’ve had cats in the past as additional roommates. They were both wonderful and with us for years. We tried an experiment with a rescue dog before our daughter was born 32 years ago. It didn’t go well. He was a fantastic dog, but he needed constant companionship and attention. We both worked, so it wasn’t ideal for him. We found him a home through a rescue shelter on a massive farm where he could run for days. We’re sure he had a full life being a farm dog !!

Back to today . . .

Wags is the ultimate companion. He loves being with you and being active. Debbie gets to spend time with him since her retirement, and when I get home from work, he jumps to attention, waiting to go on an extended walk or play for hours at a time. I decided to do my best to walk him twice daily for at least 30 minutes at a time. During his visit, nature decided to throw a mix of massive cold, wind, and rain at us. I was undaunted. He needed to walk.

So, I did something I had “threatened” to do for years . . . exercise. I set my alarm for a very early wake-up call, rolled out of bed, walked over Wags, and got dressed. I slowly made it downstairs, put on layers of jackets and a headlamp, and out the door we trekked. The cold morning air snapped me awake whether I wanted to be or not. After about a block, I felt ready to head into the darkness to make sure we had a good dose of exercise.

On the weekends, I could get him out to a local park with a trail that loops around a lake. It’s over 1 1/2 miles on the regular loop, and he relished the chance to take it on. New smells. New sights. New people to encounter. He was full of excitement for every step. I loved seeing our shadows together as my companion pulled me with eagerness around the trail.

As our extended visit was drawing to a close, I had a choice. Did I keep walking without the dog ?? I was now in a pattern of walking over 4 miles a day, and I felt better than I had in years. I breathed easier, and a few pounds may have evaporated. I decided to keep walking !!

Since then, I’ve been getting up early, stumbling down the stairs, donning my headlamp, and heading out. At times, I turn on music through my Shokz headphones, and other days, I just take in the sounds of the birds. I have been able to see and enjoy the sunrise every day, which I have missed for decades. It has been wonderful. This past week, I went to a conference and walked each morning with one of my friends who was also attending. When I returned from that, Debbie decided to join me too !!

What had been a necessity for Wags to burn off energy and do his business, now became a needed habit for my well-being. I’m going to do my best to stick with it because I’m more alert, patient, and excited to face the day ahead. I don’t want that to wane. I could fill a book with excuses for why I should have exercised, and I’m sure many reading this could as well. I could also let you know that life is too full and busy with activities that are far more “important” and deserve my time and attention.

Here’s a dose of reality. (This is not new, by the way. People have been extolling the virtues of exercise for centuries.) When I’m healthier, I’m better. At home, as a husband, as a friend, as a co-worker, and as a human. I can perform better because I’m in a better place.

I’d encourage you to see what your daily pattern is like. Is it too full ?? Do you have 30 minutes you could allocate to something else ?? Would you like to feel better each day ??

I suggest this. Have a good walk.

What, Me Worry ??

This Valentine’s Day weekend, my wife joined me on a quest that was bent far more toward my interests than hers. There’s currently a special art exhibition showing at the Cincinnati Art Museum that completely captured my childhood and teenage years. It’s a full history of the art of the incomparable MAD Magazine !!

As a child of the 1970s and 1980s, I don’t know that I missed an issue of this phenomenal publication. It was filled with intricate illustrations, endless satire, and opened my eyes to world issues without me even knowing it. I loved diving into the parodies of popular movies and television shows. I also learned more about the national and global political landscape than I ever did watching the evening news with my parents. You may not remember a time before cell phones and social media, but I lived through it (and survived !!) We found our entertainment through publications like MAD Magazine.

I have to thank Debbie, who willingly went through panel after panel of examples of cartoons with me. The smile on my face couldn’t be erased, and I laughed out loud at several of the displays, reading them as I did as a teenager. There were multiple examples of the genius of artists Al Jaffee, Don Martin, Mort Drucker, Sergio Argonés, and Norman Mingo. Those names may mean little to many people, but they brought the magazine to life !! I fondly remember trying to replicate the drawings of Don Martin, specifically. I loved his style and still doodle long-faced characters as he created.

The iconic staple of almost every issue of MAD Magazine was the ever-present gap-toothed mascot, Alfred E. Neuman. His tag line was, “What, Me Worry?” It encapsulated the whole vibe of this somewhat irreverent monthly. Regardless of what was happening in this ever-turbulent world of ours, Alfred never seemed to be concerned. His countenance didn’t change, and his simple, non-descript feeling of contentment always grabbed my attention. He was consistent and unflappable, even when everything else seemed to be off kilter.

I know far too many people who live a life that is defined by worry and fret. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. It could be personal, work-related, or something happening around the world. They are bound in a state of fear, wondering what could potentially happen. Each day, they are sure the worst possible outcome will occur. You can’t convince them differently.

This runs contrary to how I exist. I’ve never been one to worry. Seriously. It’s been frustrating to others in my life, including my wife, my kids, my friends, and my co-workers. Please don’t mistake the absence of worry for a lack of concern. Far from it. There are countless situations that concern me because I want the people in my life to thrive. I don’t like to see people who are consumed with fear, apprehension, and doubt. One of the biggest facets of my career in HR has been to be a calming force. We don’t talk about this nearly enough.

So much of the focus of HR continues to be on the do’s and don’ts of the workplace. Rules, policies, and procedures, unfortunately, define us more than care, concern, empathy, and approach. We fall into the confinement trap of practicing HR because of . . . worry. What would our jobs, our companies, and our cultures look like if we eliminated worry as the primary spark of our existence ?? I think we’d find that it would be far more productive, engaging, and relevant. Not kidding.

It would also change your perspective as an HR practitioner. Instead of bemoaning all that is difficult and challenging in working with people, you’d see the value of each person who is doing their best to get through life – just like you. I’m choosing to believe the best in others and be like Alfred E. Neuman. Stable. Unflappable. And, free of worry.

Life At 3 MPH

Are you someone who always seems to be in a hurry ?? Whether it’s work, home life, community activities, or just the myriad of thoughts that never seem to slow down in our minds. If we were honest, I think most of us are hurried. We don’t know anything different. In fact, I think it’s become so much the norm that we can’t think of going through a day without being rushed.

Now, it’s ironic that even though we’re in this constant state of hurriedness, we don’t like it. It’s exhausting. We look for ways to somehow slow the pace of life. We don’t succeed very often because if we try to slow down, the others around us don’t. Then we become anxious because we feel we’re behind. It’s an awful spiral to find yourself in !!

Being hurried is a choice. We may not think it is, but it is. The idea of living life at a constant blistering pace isn’t healthy. And, if you think that remaining constantly on the go makes you vastly more successful than others, you’re mistaken. We mistake activity for production. It’s just an activity. I’ve been thinking about this lately, because the pace of life seems to be far more out of control. Not only for me personally, but also for the people around me. People I work with and care for.

What I’ve found is that a hurried pace of life may get me somewhere quicker, but at what cost? I can’t tell you how many heavy sighs I exhale every day just to make sure I’m staying up with all that’s in front of me. Some of those sighs are to catch my breath. Others are signals of exhaustion and exasperation. Like most people I know, I’m a high-capacity person. I feel more complete when my life and days are full. Staying full is important. The challenge isn’t capacity. It’s maintaining a breakneck pace day in and day out.

I’ve decided that this has to change. I’m adopting the 3 MPH approach to life.

Did you know the average human walks at a pace of three miles per hour ?? How cool is that? When you approach your day, stay at the average pace of walking. When you do, you’ll naturally slow down. You can’t help yourself. When you start incorporating this intentionally slower lifestyle, you see the things around you that you used to rush by without noticing them at all. You’ll see people whom you could meet. There are scenes of nature that will all of a sudden come to life. It’s amazing !!

These things have most likely been present all the time; you just didn’t see them. Instead of holding onto a sinking feeling that you’re missing out on things unless you run at life with abandon, understand you’re actually missing more. Being still takes discipline. Slowing down will initially feel unnerving, but stay strong and stick with it. This week, slow down. Don’t keep seeking the pace you can’t keep. Try to live life at 3 MPH and see what happens !!

Your Legacy . . .

When I look over my life and career, I am humbled by the number of people I’ve been fortunate to meet. Some people you meet for mere moments. Others you have as part of your life for years. I tend to lose sight of this too often due to the constant hustle and bustle swirling around us. That shouldn’t happen. I don’t believe in chance encounters or fate. I believe the people who come in and out of our lives happen on purpose.

I’m feeling reflective because of some news I received in mid-December. I wanted to share my thoughts about this wonderful person at the time, but I needed to wait until her family made the news public themselves.

My dear friend, Sandy Manjura, passed away in mid-December. She and I are the same age, and it crushed me when I heard the news. Sandy and I met as volunteer leaders for our SHRM chapters. She lived in the Akron area, and I was in Cincinnati. The moment we met, our friendship started. She exuded genuine interest and energy whenever she met anyone. Fortunately, we connected and volunteered together for years through the Ohio State Council and the Ohio State SHRM Conference committee. When she was active in the Akron chapter, she invited me to speak to the chapter often. While there, she introduced me to tons of other great people who also became dear friends. I met her partner, Scott, as well as her wonderful black lab – Hoagy. Whenever I’d visit, we’d make time to catch up and talk about life, music, and changing the world of HR.

I cherished her friendship. As our volunteer roles changed and came to an end, we didn’t get to see each other as often. We’d go to State Conferences and pick up right where we had left off before. Sandy was a rocker !! She loved all forms of music and would listen to Iron Maiden while jogging. She was an avid golfer and lived life to the fullest. The world is a little less bright with her passing.

One of my favorite memories was when I was chair of the Ohio SHRM State Conference with the theme “HR Rocks !!” I had a surprise to open the conference and needed someone to help me get ready. The only two people I let in on my secret were my best friend and roomie, Fred, and Sandy. I was planning to dress up as AC/DC legendary guitarist, Angus Young, to take the stage, but I needed help getting all of my costume ready. Sandy was all in and helped me don his famous schoolboy attire. She kept lookout for me, and she whisked me backstage to get ready to bring down the house. Her words for me were, “This is perfection. Get out there and set the stage !!” We both wept a bit because it really was perfection.

I share her story for a couple of reasons. First, everyone should know my friend. If you had known Sandy, I know your life would have been impacted positively just as mine was. We should always share good stories about the great people in our lives while they live and celebrate them when they pass. Secondly, we need to know that we live out the Maya Angelou quote listed above, whether we’re conscious of it or not.

We can’t keep getting bogged down by the things around us that seem wrong. We can’t keep being distracted by those people in our lives who do all they can to drain our souls. The vast majority of humans on this planet are amazing once you choose to let them into your lives on purpose. They deserve our time and attention far more than those who try to tear others down.

I don’t want any person who passes through my life to be overlooked, taken for granted, or brushed off. I don’t know how long I’ll be on this planet, and neither do any of us. Therefore, it matters to give others my time willingly and without expectation. You never know. You may be THE person that someone needs to encounter just at the right time. You don’t want to miss that.

Sandy touched my life and the lives of many others. I will hold her in my heart and cherish her friendship and legacy. She rocked, and I was fortunate to have had her in my life. When I hear that next heavy chord emanate from a speaker, the first person I will think of is Sandy !!

Be a People Collector

The weather on Saturday was atrocious. The kind of weather where you don’t want to leave your house. You’d rather snuggle under a blanket and watch a movie or two. My wife and I had to put the pull of warmth and comfort aside to attend an event involving my extended family. It would take more effort because it involved a drive of over two hours. When I opened the garage door to get to my car, the wind caught my attention immediately. There were sheets of rain, making it even more blustery and miserable.

We were undaunted. We warmed up the car, I hung a sports coat up in the back seat, and we started our trip. After putting the address in the car’s GPS, we took to the road. I stopped to get a piping hot cup of Dunkin’ coffee to ensure I’d stay awake throughout the entire trip. The visibility was bleak. It was hard to see the road through the rain, and the road mist kicked up by the endless stream of semi trucks that flew past us on the highway.

We were travelling to a very small town in the center of the State – Thurston, Ohio. Neither of us had even been to this burg, but we were eager to get there. The road seemed to stretch endlessly with little to visually break up the miles. You felt like you were on a treadmill that kept spinning but never advanced. We made one pit stop to stretch our legs before venturing on. The entire trip to Thurston was uneventful, and we were grateful for that. We found that this little crossroads of a town was twenty-five minutes from any major highway.

We had to meander several miles of country roads until we came to the Thurston United Methodist Church. It was a very tiny church with an even smaller parking lot. There were cars taking up every possible space because everyone had come to celebrate the life of a family member who had passed. He was the father of my cousin. He’s technically a cousin-in-law. His wife and I are first cousins. My immediate family and the Thompsons are incredibly close. Not only are we related, but our kids grew up together. I babysat their four kids before Debbie and I had our own two kids. We wouldn’t miss this day.

The church was packed !! There wasn’t one open seat, and some people were standing in the back of the country church sanctuary. The service was traditional and filled with hymns I had sung throughout my youth. Ken “Fuzz” Thompson had lived a full life of 87 years on this planet. His daughter, Robin, and son (my cousin), Ken, shared words of remembrance. It was perfect.

A common thread that marked Ken’s life was that he was someone who instantly connected with other people. He would go out of his way to get to know you. He had an inviting demeanor, a quick wit, and was an attentive listener. You never felt like he was focused on himself. He was focused on you. During the service, he was described as a “people collector.” It was as if he were a magnet that attracted others while being humble and unassuming.

The packed church was evidence of this life well lived. When I paused to look around the room, I noticed Ken had passed on the art of collecting others to his son, who in turn had married a people collector. In fact, that describes the majority of people in my extended family. I have assumed this was a regular practice of people, but I know that it isn’t.

You see, the art of connecting with others isn’t to be self-serving or self-promoting. It’s an opportunity to make sure that people are seen, valued, heard, and encouraged. You invest your time and attention in them so they shine themselves. In fact, while Ken was nearing the end of his journey, he shared that the kids didn’t have to have a ceremony – he was fine. Then, he paused, thought about it, and said, “But you guys probably need one. You can do it if you’d like.”

The turnout of how his life impacted others in subtle, meaningful ways was evident. My hope is that you have a people collector in your life if you’re not one yourself. Life is more full, meaningful, and worthwhile when you do.