Tag: Life

Lifecycles

I’m sure we all experience ebbs and flows at work and in life in general. We want to hit those peak times and hold onto them fiercely before they slowly wane away. The dry times seem like endless deserts that have no horizon. On top of this, we can run through a range of emotions within moments. Laughter to frustration. Anxiety to assuredness. Loss to joy. Add to all of these shifts and movements a common factor . . . people.

You see, the same constant movements we experience personally are magnified when we add others to our day. You can’t avoid it. Rarely do your peak times match the people you encounter. Everyone is always at different points of a continuum. Within that flow, we are expected to perform and excel individually and as a whole. It’s astonishing that work gets completed and accomplished when you take into account the infinite number of nuances that each person brings to each work situation.

The reason for this descriptive framework is that we effortlessly weave in and out of these waves. Sure, we may crash into a beach or an unseen reef below the surface, but those rarely keep us from moving through whatever we’re hit with. Almost every time . . .

The past two weeks have been challenging at work because we have experienced six deaths that were connected to our company. Two were recent retirees who had decades of service with us. One was a franchise owner who built and sustained a community tradition. And, three were immediate family members of current team members.

I share this for context. One aspect of being an HR professional for my entire career is that I get the privilege of going to funerals, visitations, memorial services, and celebrations of life. It’s never easy. It is always emotional. I was able to attend three of these recently, and one will soon be scheduled. The other two occurred before I knew they happened.

This isn’t common to have so many people passing in this short span of time. It was eye-opening because it caused me to reflect on a few observations.

The first is this. It’s an honor to be a part of someone’s life and to take the time to see them when they experience a loss. To be able to share a few kind words, shed some tears, and give hugs of support is priceless. To let them know you’re there for them genuinely is the most human HR can ever be.

Secondly, we know very little about each other’s lives. Even though we’re together for many hours each week, we have surface-level relationships with most people. This isn’t a right or wrong statement. It’s just a fact. If we asked people, they would tell you that the majority of people are positive connections. We may know where people live, how many people are in their immediate families, and a few of their personal interests. It is human enough for us to be okay.

Thirdly, we don’t know that many people. When I’ve attended the gatherings to remember these wonderful lives, the rooms are filled with countless people whom I’ve never met. We generally feel that we have a significant number of others in our lives. It’s true when you consider family members, neighbors, past classmates throughout the years, and professional contacts. Even with that, you enter a funeral home or a church, and the majority of people attending are unfamiliar to you.

All of these observations brought me to a new conclusion. I have always thought that HR has the opportunity to be involved in an employee’s lifecycle – the time they’re recruited until the time they leave your company. These time periods could be short or extremely long. The new conclusion I have is that the lifecycle doesn’t end when people leave. It also includes being there when people’s personal lifecycle ends.

It’s been a sobering reminder that even though I may not know everyone I work with at some deep level, I can still provide an approachable, warm, caring, and understanding human connection for them on a daily basis. None of us knows when the transition of life will come. Therefore, we can’t waste one moment getting swallowed by the various ups and downs of how we feel about each other.

I think it’s more important to let others know you are always in their corner. Remember that you can be someone who provides consistency and hopefully a regular positive impact in their lives. This week, slow down the waves of highs and lows. Take time to be intentional. Make a lasting difference in the lifecycles of everyone you encounter. In the end, they’ll impact yours as well !!

Game Night

We have been experiencing a historical period of rainfall in Cincinnati, Ohio. We have had inches and inches of rain over the past week. That has led to staying indoors because you really don’t have a choice. All we have been doing is literally watching the grass grow !!

Like many families, we spend too much time on screens. It doesn’t matter if it’s a laptop, a phone or a TV. Images and sounds are constantly bombarding us rendering us nearly immobile. Sure, our brains are being stimulated, but our bodies are stuck in a constant state of being sedentary. I’m not making these observations to be judgmental. Far from it. I enjoy screen time as much as anyone. However, it also loses its luster.

A fellow couple gave us a ring because they were feeling trapped in their house as well. They asked if we wanted to go to music trivia at our local watering hole on Friday. We had made plans to go to a small group potluck on Friday that included some games to be played, so we had to pass. We really wanted to see them so we asked what they were doing Saturday. They were geeked to come over then, so Debbie and I started planning.

We threw together a crockpot of Kickin’ Chicken Chili which has become a family favorite. We also planned to have cornbread muffins to soak up the chili, and topped off the dinner with a batch of homemade monster cookies !! When Todd and Kristy rang the doorbell, Debbie and I were grateful to see our friends.

Dinner was filled with laughter and slow, unhurried conversation. We always enjoy our time with our friends. Before we broke out the homemade cookies, we all gathered around our dining room table for a rousing game of dominoes. Playing Mexican Train is a family tradition for my side of the family. We have a set of dominoes and we’ve purchased sets for our daughter and son. We’ve even bought them and given them as wedding presents. They’re a hit with everyone !! On top of this, my uncle is a master woodworker. He made trays to hold the dominoes which we love to use.

Now, you need to realize that if you play a full game of dominoes, you had better not have any additional plans. To get through all of the rounds, you end up playing the game for two to three hours. We completed a full game on Saturday night and didn’t feel we had been together for such an extended period of time.

Slowing down, disconnecting from screens, and relishing time with friends always leaves us refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on whatever comes the following day. When you remember that we were wired to be curious and play as humans, then game nights like this seem natural. In fact, you get the urge to have them more often because they are so much more fulfilling than just taking in a streaming series.

What’s key to this game night (and the ones that are sure to be planned in the future) is that we had time to do it. Hours of time !! All of the multiple distractions that try to vie for our attention are still present, but they are pushed away to allow you to breathe and enjoy the time you have instead.

This week, get in touch with some friends. Open the closet or visit the shelf you have that is crammed full of games. Pull a few out and start playing. I plan to have more friends visit as we continue to play more often. Add a dinner, a dessert or even a few drinks. You have the time. You always have. Use that time to play during your game night !!

It’s A Small World

I’m honestly just getting back into the swing of things back home. My wife and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary by taking the Grand European River Cruise through Viking. To describe it as spectacular wouldn’t even begin to capture how incredible this experience was. We completely disconnected from our regular work lives and stayed off social media. For two-plus weeks we spent time together and explored the world. We both took enough pictures to last us a lifetime, but we didn’t want to miss any moment.

I was particularly excited about taking this adventure because of the size of the cruise. Unlike the ocean behemoths that dwarf the ports they dock in, a Viking river boat is long, sleek, and has three floors of rooms. There’s a sun deck that runs the length of the boat on the “top” of the vessel. That means this limits the number of people who can sail. Our boat had 180 passengers and 52 crew members. I had a goal to try and meet everyone on the boat and I came pretty close. I wasn’t overt. I didn’t chase people down. In the end, I knew a good portion of the crew and 80+ people who sailed with us. That worked for me and stretched Debbie which she handled seamlessly.

Every day we disembarked for a walking tour with new groups of people. It was a great way to learn about each port city. One of the cities had a star by it – Nuremberg, Germany. The reason for this is that I was born there !! I had not been back since I was six months old. Every city was fantastic in its own way, but I especially enjoyed spending the day in Nuremberg.

The next day, I learned just how small the world truly is. We were venturing through Wurzberg, Germany and someone from the boat said, “Have you met the other person who was born in Nuremberg?” “What ??” I exclaimed. “No, I didn’t know there was anyone else.” We were pausing in front of a very cool modern sculpture when a gentleman came up to me with his hand extended.

“Hi there, I’m Steve. I hear we have a few things in common !!” It turns out we had a ton in common. Steve’s father was in the Army and based in Nuremberg, and so was mine. He was born in the base hospital and stayed in the city for six months before his father was transferred. So did I !! Steve was born in 1960 and I was born in 1964. The whole encounter was surreal.

It was his first time to return to Germany, and it was also mine. When you think of the odds of this chance meeting occurring, it’s staggering. Two men born over sixty years ago happen to be on the same river cruise and get to see their birthplace. It was a joy to meet Steve and his wife, Hilda, who now live in Wisconsin.

During this entire trip, my eyes were opened to how small the world is. On top of meeting the other Steve, Debbie and I were walking through Cologne, Germany, and saw two former neighbors of ours from West Chester, Ohio (where we live) who were also on a Viking river cruise. In fact, their boat was tethered to ours at the dock in Cologne !!

You never know how life is going to present itself. You need to be observant and aware of whatever comes. It was so wonderful to have one great experience after another during this trip. Half a world away paths cross. I shouldn’t be surprised because we all know – it’s a small world after all !!

On Being a Dad . . .

It’s Father’s Day.

I know taking a day to recognize fathers may not bring up the best sentiments or memories for people. Whenever I hear of someone who didn’t, or currently doesn’t, have a good relationship with their father it’s hard. It’s also a shame because a healthy father/child relationship is the best. Please know that I genuinely ache when I hear someone hasn’t had a healthy relationship with their father. I know a multitude of reasons, decisions, and actions can be the cause for this to occur. I don’t dare to try to comprehend what this has meant to people.

What I would like to share though is something more encouraging and positive. I’ve been very fortunate to have had two dads in my life. My biological dad was wonderful but I only knew him for the first four years of my life because he passed away when he was 24 years old. My second dad entered my life when I was at the challenging age of 13. He was wonderful since the time he married my mom and was for 44 years until he passed in 2020.

I have been a father for 30+ years now and I’m genuinely more grateful and excited now to have this opportunity than when it first occurred. My two kids are becoming fascinating adults and I’m grateful they want both myself and my wife in their lives. I don’t take it for granted because I don’t want to miss a moment of the adventures they’re taking.

I grew up around a dad who was always present. It was such a powerful image and model when I experienced his support, encouragement, discipline, advice, and direction just by having him in the activities I was involved in. His visibility spoke louder than any feedback or critique I’d receive. I would look out into the audience or stands just to make sure he was there. I’ve followed that model and have done all I can to be present for both of my kids when they were young and even more so now that they’re out on their own.

When I look at the time I’ve been a dad, my kids and I have surely had ups, downs, challenges, arguments, and times to ask each other for forgiveness. I’ve tried to be a dad who doesn’t put on airs, or show a different face at work, home, or in the community. I’ve wanted my kids to see the power of being humble, honest, fun, and vulnerable. Each day I know I’m going to be watched for how I talk, treat others, and react in various situations.

If I could share a list of what I hope they get from me being their dad, it would be this:

I want them to know that I am a man of faith who believes in the best of others.

I want them to know that people are worth my time, attention, and empathy.

I want them to know I will fail. When I do, I want them to see how I face failure and work through it.

More than anything, I want them to know how grateful I am to be their dad. My life wouldn’t be nearly as full without them.

I want them to know I will be there for them regardless of what life brings. They have my love forever.

I love being a dad. It’s the greatest job I will ever get to do !!

The 1st Pitch

On Sunday, I had both a life-affirming and a life-changing moment. I went to the Cincinnati Reds game to see a dear friend throw out the 1st pitch. Now, if you’re a sports fan at all, this is a bucket list item for most men. We grow up watching games and fantasize about taking the mound in front of a packed stadium waiting to “bring it” with a strike right across the plate.

Getting to see a friend have this opportunity would have been reason enough to go to the game. The story about the amazing man and his current situation makes it even more substantial. John and I have known each other for several years. Our kids are all around the same age, and we saw each other at school events from elementary school through high school. We were both also adult leaders in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. Two of his sons were in the Troop where I was Scoutmaster for a few years and I loved seeing them and getting to spend time with John. On top of our paths crossing at school and scouting, John’s family lives a few blocks away from me. We’d see each other wandering around the streets on neighborhood walks and make sure to catch up every time.

John and I are also connected by two other important facets of our lives. We are both men of faith and we have shared how that is a driver of who we are as humans because it easily melded with our shared profession. You see, John and I are peers who both work in HR.

So, when I received the sobering news in 2022 that my friend had been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), I was floored. It was hard for me to come to terms with this because John is one of the most approachable, friendly, encouraging, thoughtful, funny, and loving people I know. To receive the news of having a terminal disease ran contrary to the life that John willingly exudes with all he encounters.

The game on Sunday was to recognize Lou Gehrig Day throughout Major League Baseball. John shared several months ago that he was going to be the person throwing out the 1st pitch on this day. Everyone in the neighborhood who knows the family made plans to make sure they were there to watch and support John. A few weeks ago, John posted that his legs had been weakening as his condition progressed. I was wondering and praying that he’d be healthy enough to complete his dream.

As I entered the stadium with my daughter and family friends, Melanie said,
“There’s Mr. Barlow !!” I looked over and saw Ann and the kids (now adults) all huddled together and John in his wheelchair. I left my crew to go over in the hope of seeing him. I caught Ann’s attention first and gave her a rich hug. I worked over to John and his face lit up, as it does with everyone, when he saw me.

“Steve !! Just a second.” He slowly reached down and folded the footrest up and he stood. His arms spread wide and we embraced deeply and held each other. He leaned back and said, “I love you. You need to know that.”

I told him I loved him too, and how glad I was to see him and be there for the big event. He told me his plan was to shake off the sign that his son Thomas was going to give him before throwing his pitch. I told him that was perfect and I couldn’t wait to see it. John thanked me for coming and even said, “I knew you’d be here.”

I grabbed his hand tightly one more time, walked away, and wept. He didn’t see it and I know he wouldn’t have minded if he did. John has seen me weep often when talking about, or with, people I care for. My daughter knew I was going to be emotional. We went down to our seats and had a first-row view of John.

The stadium announcer gave a warm introduction of John and his family and he eagerly drove his wheelchair up to the top of the pitcher’s mound with two of his three sons. His third son took his place as catcher. The crowd was on their feet cheering with all they had. John stood, bent over to get his sign, shook it off, stood mightily, and threw the pitch. It made its way to home plate and was spot on. The cheers were resounding even louder for him after the pitch !!

He made his way off the field and the first thing he did was hug his wife Ann. He waved to the friends and family who came to see him succeed. The whole scenario couldn’t have been more perfect.

We stayed for the game and the Reds lost to the dreaded Cubs, but that didn’t seem to matter. Being there for my friend did.

John doesn’t know how many more days he’ll have of good health or even life. Honestly, neither do we. We do, however, have the ability to choose how we will face this life for the time we have it. I want to choose life as John has. In the midst of all he’s facing, he is upfront with his faith, present for his family, shares gratitude for every experience he has, and looks for the best in everyone. It’s not a show or an act. It’s who he is.

As I said at the beginning of this piece, today was life-affirming because of the time I had to talk with my dear friend before his adventure. It was also life-changing because it gave me perspective on how life can be full, rich, meaningful, and unapologetically filled with love and joy.

May that be true for anyone who reads this. Embrace life. Embrace each other. Weep at times. Laugh always. Each day has meaning. Make that happen on purpose and take the mound !!

I Still Haven’t Found . . .

If you didn’t know, I’m a gigantic fan of the band U2. I have been following them since their beginning and have all their music including some rare bootleg CDs. When they first came out it coincided with the end of my high school and the beginning of my university years. Right after I graduated from college, their seminal album The Joshua Tree came out. It was full of hit singles including the hypnotic – I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.

The lyrics depict someone who continues to search for love, faith, and meaning in their lives. No matter what they attain, they remain in a searching mode. There seems to be an endless yearning that can never be filled. It’s an eerie reflection of the majority of people I know. There never seems to be a plateau or a sense of contentment. That is concerning.

I’m a person who is at peace most of the time. Sure, I experience uncertainty, challenges, frustrations, and disappointments. That doesn’t change my level of contentment. That’s because there are also endless opportunities, people to meet, and adventures to take. I like that life is complicated and unpredictable. You could say that I’m content with the ebbs and flows of what each day brings.

This past weekend I woke up early in the morning and drove up to hang out with my daughter. No agenda. No plan. We both love coffee shops and she took me to one I’ve been wanting to try. It’s a one-minute drive from her house. It was wonderful !! We enjoyed coffee, pastries, and unhurried conversation. After that, we ventured to visit the NCAA Museum in downtown Indianapolis. It was fun and we even got to check out our vertical leap !! (Let’s just say we didn’t set records.)

We then went to check out cool shops in the Fountain Square neighborhood including a sweet vinyl record store. Lunch was still on the horizon and she took me to a diner known for its sublime, greasy double cheeseburgers !! The decor was straight from the 1950’s and they still only accept cash payments. As we enjoyed our burgers, we people watched and listened to the murmur of great interactions at the other tables throughout the restaurant. To help digest our massive intake, we decided to walk around another neighborhood which happened to have another vinyl store !!

As if this wasn’t enough to fill our day, Melanie took me to a local brewery where we enjoyed an adult beverage. One half of the establishment was a bar/restaurant and the other half was where you could throw axes for fun !! We love checking out craft beer options and I found a gem by getting a Circus Peanut flavored brew. It was amazing. We were winding down and we decided to head back to her place just to hang out and watch some college basketball.

On the surface, there’s nothing overly unique about our day. However, how cool is it that my daughter still likes to just hang out with her dad? How wonderful is it that we had time just to talk about life and see how each other are doing? Playing together, walking for miles, stepping in and out of local shops and exploring off the beaten path locations. Nothing planned. Everything gained.

You see, the reason I’ve found what I’m looking for is that I cherish the time I have with other people. You never know what’s going to happen or be discussed. Each interaction is a chance to learn something new or work through a situation. It’s all in how you frame life. I’m content and still eager to see what lies ahead.

How about you ??

For some inspiration as you reflect, here’s the incredible song to get you started.

What’s Next ??!!

This Wednesday is the next milestone I am fortunate enough to experience in this journey we call “life.” I’m turning the clock over to another decade !! Now, I understand that aging isn’t exactly an accomplishment. Time moves forward whether we want it to or not. However, in my family line reaching 60 is an accomplishment !!

My biological father passed away at age 26. His brother passed away in his early 40’s and his other brother made it to his late 60’s. Therefore, I am truly grateful when I get to start yet another year roaming the planet.

What does the next decade hold? I honestly don’t know, and I’m comfortable with things being unknown. I’m relatively healthy and active. Work has never been this exciting, robust, and creative !! My wife and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in October, and our adults are successful as they learn how to live their lives and careers.

I’ve never been a person who had to have the next steps of life planned out or predetermined. The truth is when things are overly scheduled and structured, I get a bit itchy. I am far more comfortable with spontaneity and going with the flow of whatever presents itself. Ironically, my approach to life makes my wife itchy. That’s one of the many reasons we’ve been successful as a couple. We balance each other in almost every aspect of our lives together.

I do know this. I am going to continue to look forward to what’s next. I do this with anticipation, curiosity, joy, and positivity. I don’t really see another option. I know that I’ll meet new people in the coming years. I know that I’ll get to visit and explore different areas of the world, and I hope to get to meet and connect with more HR peers. I’m sure that I’ll make that transition from work to retirement sooner rather than later. That only means new adventures are just around the corner.

I know these exciting opportunities will present themselves because in looking back over my prior 59 years, I cherish the amazing things that have already happened. I never thought I’d ever be an author growing up, and now I’ve written three books. I could never have imagined speaking in front of any group, and yet I’ve taken the stage to speak to thousands of people. I never anticipated I’d find the love of my life and be blessed with two amazing kids. And yet, we continue to enjoy each other as time marches ahead.

I couldn’t have understood that I was led into the field of Human Resources which has fit me like a glove for my entire career. I’ve been fortunate to connect with peers from every type and size of industry around the globe. Literally !! I’ve had the opportunity to work with and impact thousands of employees for 37+ years. How amazing is that?

Not one of these experiences was part of a wish list or a vision board. (remember those?) I also don’t think that my life is a series of happenstance. I’m a man of faith and I trust that whatever comes throughout my life happened on purpose.

So, what’s next ?? I’m not sure, but I’m geeked to see how it all plays out.

Fix You

A situation recently occurred that I can’t shake. I share about my family often, and I’m fortunate to have such an amazing, supportive wife and incredible kids. They are well on their adulting ways which is a new parenting adventure itself. It’s wonderful to take the steps of life together including the highs and lows, the joys and challenges.

Our son lives in the greater San Diego area while my wife and I are in Ohio. Having him thousands of miles away has its downside because it would be great to see him in person more easily and often. However, I’m also geeked he is in a place where he can stretch boundaries and make a life for himself. One thing Josh won’t readily admit is that he and I are more alike than not. He is creative, emotional, passionate, and talkative and struggles when he feels confined by authority (just like the author of this post).

We have an agreement that if he ever feels like he’s going to lose it, I’m his first call before he reacts. Please don’t think he’s ready to pop at any random moment. Sometimes, the emotions just build up and I’d rather be a safe outlet than have that release be detrimental to him or others. I’m proud of him and love him more than I can express. So, if I get a call that doesn’t quite fit my time zone but it fits his, I pick up the phone.

A few weeks ago that happened. He called me as both his Dad and his HR counsel. His work situation isn’t good. He works for a branch of a nationally known bank for a difficult manager. Please understand every time we talk about his work environment, I make sure to talk about what he’s facing AND his part in it. It’s too easy to have him, or someone at work, just complain about their supervisor. Everyone does this to some extent at some time. You need to make sure to see if there is an issue or if it’s a mismatch of styles and approaches.

In his current job, he’s hit both. The branch has the highest turnover of all branches for people in his role. He has stuck with them through all of this and has the most tenure even though it’s only a little over one year. I won’t go into details of why I received his call because he’s going to work through it – as he should personally and professionally.

The part of the conversation that broke me was that he was two words into the call, “Hi Dad . . .” when he burst into tears. The kind of crying where you can’t catch your breath. I felt helpless sitting at my desk knowing I couldn’t get to him and embrace him for comfort.

“You told me to call you. I don’t want to f&*#ing go back to work. I just don’t. I can’t take it anymore,” he was able to get out between the sobs.

“You don’t have to. You can walk out. I don’t know that you should, but you have that ability. Before you do that, tell me what’s going on,” I inquired.

Fifteen minutes later, we landed in a good place and he went back to work. Even though the call was so emotionally charged, I was grateful he reached out to me first. I got another call a few weeks later because of another incident. He shared what happened and we went through more time together calmly so he could continue to move forward. I’m not sure where this will land, but I hope he leaves this situation with a challenging manager to find another opportunity where he can apply himself. I know it’s just around the corner if he takes the first step.

No one wants to see their children struggle. Life is tough. It will have struggles. No one is exempt from this. You wonder if you’re making enough of a difference and an impact to make sure they know they are loved and supported. Not just with words, but with actions and behavior.

I share this story because I know I go to work with a multitude of others who are also working through “life” in various ways. It may involve children, parents, finances, decisions, disappointments, etc. Regardless of what is in front of everyone, they bring what they’re facing to their jobs. They do their best to put those interactions aside to focus on their work. Most of us mask things enough as to not let others in because we don’t want to burden them with our “stuff.” I get that. However, to be flippant, ignorant, or dismissive of what others have going on is unacceptable.

We can’t pretend we’re interested in the well-being or mental health of others if we ignore what people are experiencing. It’s naive and narrow-minded. I’m not going to give you a method, approach, or steps to follow because I don’t have the context and knowledge of the people you’re around. This is only a request for all of us to be more conscientious and aware that the work people do is literally a very, very small portion of their lives. It may be where we interact, but it is strongly influenced and swayed by life’s circumstances.

Just knowing you’re available to genuinely be present for others is enough. It’s a start many long for because too few have that assurance. You need to be that “first call” like I am for Josh for others. It makes a huge difference !!

After the first call, Josh texted my wife and me to thank us for being there for him. He shared a song that he said he plays to remind him of this truth. He said it gets him through because it’s how life has been so far. He knows we are always his “home” even though we’re miles apart. He shared the link in the text and I began to weep. These weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of love and support.

Be there for others. It’s who we are as humans.

Here’s the song from Coldplay . . .

All We Have Is . . .

This past weekend I was back in my hometown of Ada, Ohio. I know I write about this tiny village often and it may seem that I romanticize it at times. I’m good with that. I’ve had far more amazing experiences there than most other places.

You see, a combination of two events collided all at once. The first was the 109th Farmers & Merchants Picnic, the longest consecutively running festival in Ohio. It brings the entire town together at the only park for a full day of activities ranging from an opening parade to people playing Bingo to a tractor pull. The park teemed with people of all ages visiting with each other and taking in everything they could. The weather was a bit cloudy and cool so more people were drawn out to enjoy the picnic.

The second event was my 40th High School reunion !! 40 years.

I graduated as a member of the Class of 1982 from Ada High School. I have fond feelings and memories of my classmates and my time in high school. There were 73 people in my class. I know this is considered small by many, but it was the perfect size for me. It was the kind of school where you could participate in as much as you chose. I was in everything. I mean it. Everything. Clubs, sports, choir, and all things academic. I thought that was normal because many of my classmates did the same things.

Now, when it comes to reunions, many thoughts pass through your head. You wonder who’s going to come. You wonder what people will look like, where they live, what they do, and how they’re doing. I mean it’s been four decades since we graduated !! I know that I’ve had a ton of “life” that has occurred and I’m sure my friends had as well.

I have gone to a few of the 5-year gatherings after graduation, but not all of them. I felt pulled this time to be there . . . and I’m so glad I did.

We met at the house of one of our classmates. She had hosted before and it was just the perfect place because it gave us the chance to be relaxed and informal which fits our class to a tee. We even had a potluck dinner which is a staple of most small towns. Again, an inviting way to reconnect and catch up.

What was even better was that 40 years laid the path for genuine, incredible joy and affection when we saw each other. As each classmate made their way to the patio in the backyard you saw smiles that stretched across each face followed by a long, warm embrace. That was before one word or story was shared. We were just glad to see each other once again.

What we had come to realize is that we all had one thing in common . . . time.

Time is the only connecting fabric of every human life. It can be our friend and our enemy. It can be something we’re blessed with, or it can be cut short. Time, and only time, is our common bond as people.

The question you have to ask is – What do you do with the amount of time you get to experience during your lifetime?

I think my classmates have come to terms with this and it only took 40 years !! We didn’t spend time being comparative. We didn’t spend time judging whether or not someone was “successful.” Instead, we savored every moment we had and listened to all that had happened to each of us since the last time we were together. People shared joys, challenges, and rich anecdotes. Each of us talked about the addition and loss of family members over the years. We also took time to see if we could recall and locate those that weren’t able to come to the reunion. We did this because we missed them and hoped they had been able to join in.

The majority of our time together was filled with laughter. That was perfect because no matter what we had gone through since 1982, joy was where we landed. We committed to staying in touch with each other, and I’m hopeful we do until we meet for our 50th reunion in 10 years.

We all have the opportunity to be mindful of the time we’re given. I hope you have decades and decades of time to share with others. That would be a blessing. But, don’t take it for granted. Don’t wait 40 years to realize that every moment you have can be cherished.

Remember . . . all we have is . . . time.

Being a Dad

Father’s Day is a wonderful time filled with a mix of emotions. It’s a day to be thankful and fondly recall my two dads. My biological father, John, passed away when I was four years old. I don’t have a ton of memories of him, but my extended family has told me we have the same walk, same loud laugh, and the same dose of extroversion. My dad never met a stranger. He would make quick friendships at every turn. It served him well as a Seargent who served in Vietnam because he was always focused on his men instead of himself.

My mom remarried when I was 13 years old to my second dad, Don. It wasn’t easy for him to jump into a family with two teenage boys. However, he made it work. He was a glorious example of work ethic, serving others and the community you lived in. He was always the wittiest person in the room, and he taught me countless lessons on how to be a consistent husband and father. He passed away at the end of 2020 and I miss him daily.

My “kids” are now adults. They are out on their own and I couldn’t be more proud of them. They are finding their way in life, their careers, and their relationships. We are having real conversations about every topic possible and I love seeing them continue to grow and develop. There have even been a few times where they’ve asked my advice !! I nearly fainted the first time it happened and cherished it at the same time. Making the transition where we are now has been the best stage of fatherhood yet.

I know I have been fortunate with my two dads. Trust me. We have had our ups and downs and disagreements. I’ve had the same with my kids. But that’s honestly just life. Life happens and I wouldn’t change a moment. My two dads were with me through all the facets of my life and I plan to be there for my kids for as long as I’m on this planet.

I’m not sure what the future will hold for me, my wife, or my kids. I hope that one day they have fond memories of their dad and share the experiences they had with me over the years.

For everyone who is a fellow dad – Happy Father’s Day !!

It’s quite an adventure. An adventure worth taking.