Tag: Life

Your Legacy . . .

When I look over my life and career, I am humbled by the number of people I’ve been fortunate to meet. Some people you meet for mere moments. Others you have as part of your life for years. I tend to lose sight of this too often due to the constant hustle and bustle swirling around us. That shouldn’t happen. I don’t believe in chance encounters or fate. I believe the people who come in and out of our lives happen on purpose.

I’m feeling reflective because of some news I received in mid-December. I wanted to share my thoughts about this wonderful person at the time, but I needed to wait until her family made the news public themselves.

My dear friend, Sandy Manjura, passed away in mid-December. She and I are the same age, and it crushed me when I heard the news. Sandy and I met as volunteer leaders for our SHRM chapters. She lived in the Akron area, and I was in Cincinnati. The moment we met, our friendship started. She exuded genuine interest and energy whenever she met anyone. Fortunately, we connected and volunteered together for years through the Ohio State Council and the Ohio State SHRM Conference committee. When she was active in the Akron chapter, she invited me to speak to the chapter often. While there, she introduced me to tons of other great people who also became dear friends. I met her partner, Scott, as well as her wonderful black lab – Hoagy. Whenever I’d visit, we’d make time to catch up and talk about life, music, and changing the world of HR.

I cherished her friendship. As our volunteer roles changed and came to an end, we didn’t get to see each other as often. We’d go to State Conferences and pick up right where we had left off before. Sandy was a rocker !! She loved all forms of music and would listen to Iron Maiden while jogging. She was an avid golfer and lived life to the fullest. The world is a little less bright with her passing.

One of my favorite memories was when I was chair of the Ohio SHRM State Conference with the theme “HR Rocks !!” I had a surprise to open the conference and needed someone to help me get ready. The only two people I let in on my secret were my best friend and roomie, Fred, and Sandy. I was planning to dress up as AC/DC legendary guitarist, Angus Young, to take the stage, but I needed help getting all of my costume ready. Sandy was all in and helped me don his famous schoolboy attire. She kept lookout for me, and she whisked me backstage to get ready to bring down the house. Her words for me were, “This is perfection. Get out there and set the stage !!” We both wept a bit because it really was perfection.

I share her story for a couple of reasons. First, everyone should know my friend. If you had known Sandy, I know your life would have been impacted positively just as mine was. We should always share good stories about the great people in our lives while they live and celebrate them when they pass. Secondly, we need to know that we live out the Maya Angelou quote listed above, whether we’re conscious of it or not.

We can’t keep getting bogged down by the things around us that seem wrong. We can’t keep being distracted by those people in our lives who do all they can to drain our souls. The vast majority of humans on this planet are amazing once you choose to let them into your lives on purpose. They deserve our time and attention far more than those who try to tear others down.

I don’t want any person who passes through my life to be overlooked, taken for granted, or brushed off. I don’t know how long I’ll be on this planet, and neither do any of us. Therefore, it matters to give others my time willingly and without expectation. You never know. You may be THE person that someone needs to encounter just at the right time. You don’t want to miss that.

Sandy touched my life and the lives of many others. I will hold her in my heart and cherish her friendship and legacy. She rocked, and I was fortunate to have had her in my life. When I hear that next heavy chord emanate from a speaker, the first person I will think of is Sandy !!

Be a People Collector

The weather on Saturday was atrocious. The kind of weather where you don’t want to leave your house. You’d rather snuggle under a blanket and watch a movie or two. My wife and I had to put the pull of warmth and comfort aside to attend an event involving my extended family. It would take more effort because it involved a drive of over two hours. When I opened the garage door to get to my car, the wind caught my attention immediately. There were sheets of rain, making it even more blustery and miserable.

We were undaunted. We warmed up the car, I hung a sports coat up in the back seat, and we started our trip. After putting the address in the car’s GPS, we took to the road. I stopped to get a piping hot cup of Dunkin’ coffee to ensure I’d stay awake throughout the entire trip. The visibility was bleak. It was hard to see the road through the rain, and the road mist kicked up by the endless stream of semi trucks that flew past us on the highway.

We were travelling to a very small town in the center of the State – Thurston, Ohio. Neither of us had even been to this burg, but we were eager to get there. The road seemed to stretch endlessly with little to visually break up the miles. You felt like you were on a treadmill that kept spinning but never advanced. We made one pit stop to stretch our legs before venturing on. The entire trip to Thurston was uneventful, and we were grateful for that. We found that this little crossroads of a town was twenty-five minutes from any major highway.

We had to meander several miles of country roads until we came to the Thurston United Methodist Church. It was a very tiny church with an even smaller parking lot. There were cars taking up every possible space because everyone had come to celebrate the life of a family member who had passed. He was the father of my cousin. He’s technically a cousin-in-law. His wife and I are first cousins. My immediate family and the Thompsons are incredibly close. Not only are we related, but our kids grew up together. I babysat their four kids before Debbie and I had our own two kids. We wouldn’t miss this day.

The church was packed !! There wasn’t one open seat, and some people were standing in the back of the country church sanctuary. The service was traditional and filled with hymns I had sung throughout my youth. Ken “Fuzz” Thompson had lived a full life of 87 years on this planet. His daughter, Robin, and son (my cousin), Ken, shared words of remembrance. It was perfect.

A common thread that marked Ken’s life was that he was someone who instantly connected with other people. He would go out of his way to get to know you. He had an inviting demeanor, a quick wit, and was an attentive listener. You never felt like he was focused on himself. He was focused on you. During the service, he was described as a “people collector.” It was as if he were a magnet that attracted others while being humble and unassuming.

The packed church was evidence of this life well lived. When I paused to look around the room, I noticed Ken had passed on the art of collecting others to his son, who in turn had married a people collector. In fact, that describes the majority of people in my extended family. I have assumed this was a regular practice of people, but I know that it isn’t.

You see, the art of connecting with others isn’t to be self-serving or self-promoting. It’s an opportunity to make sure that people are seen, valued, heard, and encouraged. You invest your time and attention in them so they shine themselves. In fact, while Ken was nearing the end of his journey, he shared that the kids didn’t have to have a ceremony – he was fine. Then, he paused, thought about it, and said, “But you guys probably need one. You can do it if you’d like.”

The turnout of how his life impacted others in subtle, meaningful ways was evident. My hope is that you have a people collector in your life if you’re not one yourself. Life is more full, meaningful, and worthwhile when you do.

A Touch of Gray

The calendar has turned another page. Usually, when that happens, people express a series of resolutions they genuinely want to hold to. They rarely do. That doesn’t stop people from making them, though. A New Year always gives people a chance for a reset. A chance to pause, reflect, and decide what they’d like the next twelve months to be.

Once the year begins anew, I also turn another year older. My birthday is on January 3rd, and this year took a new turn. It’s wonderful when your friends and family send you birthday wishes. I’m humbled every time I receive them. My 87-year-old Mom called me early in the morning to sign “Happy Birthday” to me. It’s a tradition she and my dad, when he was alive, have done every year since I left the house 40 years ago. It warms my heart every time, and I look forward to hearing her sing it.

It’s intriguing to me when people ask what your plans are for your birthday. The intent is positive, and people want you to enjoy your day. Having a birthday so close to the holiday season makes it harder to plan something massive. And, honestly, I’m grateful to cross the age line once more as the most significant accomplishment. I didn’t have anything “planned,” but I did hope to have a great day.

My wife and I decided to really live on the edge and get our haircuts together. I know – truly adventurous !! We enjoy seeing Heather at her salon. We’ve known her for 29 years, so it’s like visiting family. Debbie went first because she needs more time than I do. When I took my place in the chair, I donned the black cape over my clothes and placed my glasses on the counter. Heather is always good for a rich conversation. We talk about countless topics, give updates about our kids, and make sure to laugh a lot.

As my hair became shorter once again, I looked down at the cape, and it was glistening !! You see, I’ve crossed over to the time in my life when my hair has grayed. This doesn’t bother me, and I don’t feel my age. My appearance is supposed to change. Now that I’m 62, I’d be surprised if I didn’t have a full head of gray locks.

Along with my shifting hair color, my body reminds me daily that time is moving forward. There’s more stiffness and the unexpected appearance of aches and pains throughout my body. Thankfully, my mind is sharp, and I don’t take it for granted. I don’t know if I ever thought about what it would be like if I reached this age, which is closer to my career ending than starting. I’ve never been concerned with whatever “age” is supposed to be.

Another year means an opportunity to remain curious. Another year is a chance to learn something new, meet people I’ve never met, encourage others to be their best, and take in as much life as possible. I’m not sure what will happen, and that doesn’t make me in the least bit anxious. I don’t have resolutions and never have. I believe in enjoying the present and being hopeful for the future, for whatever that may be. Please don’t mistake that for being naive or Utopian.

I’ve chosen (for most of my life) to be someone who sees the best in others and the situations I find myself in. Sure, there are challenges and times of disappointment. I will experience personal failures, and others will fail me. In the end, though, life is grand !! Now that I have more than a touch of gray, I want to do all I can to live each day to its fullest. I’m far from discouraged about aging another year; I’m fortunate.

How are you looking at this coming year? Are you seeing the best in yourself and in others? I know this may seem contrary to how most people view life, but trust me, it’s well worth it. I encourage you to move forward. Who knows? The best part of what’s to come could be lurking just over the horizon !!

To ease you into the future, here’s a tune that is an absolute fave of mine from an all-time legendary band. It just fits . . .

Looking Ahead !!

This weekend, my wife and I did one of our favorite activities by going to see a movie in a theater. We’re both big fans of movies, and there still isn’t an experience as grand as seeing a movie on the big screen. There just isn’t.

I had to do a bit of convincing to get her to see the feature I wanted to see, but she agreed to give it a go. We chose to see Song Sung Blue starring Hugh Jackman and Kate Hudson. I was fully engrossed the moment Jackman started the film. The script was wonderful, and every member of the cast was perfect. There were several actors who had been very popular in the past who came back to the screen and crushed it. On top of the story, you laid in the incredible musical catalog of the legendary Neil Diamond.

For me, the movie was very emotional. I think I cried 6 or 7 times throughout the film. The story has giant highs and extreme lows. It’s very human and based on a couple who were featured in an award-winning documentary. They saw themselves as entertainers who wanted to help people forget their troubles for the few moments they saw their shows. Jackman played Mike Sardina, who fancied himself a Neil Diamond interpreter nicknamed Lightning, and Hudson played his talented wife, nicknamed Thunder.

To say this couple experienced “life” would be an understatement !! Much of their lives was fraught with tough choices, poverty, and a lack of what many would consider success. It didn’t squelch their passion or desire to constantly move forward. Their dream to perform never dimmed. Never. They didn’t know what lay ahead for them or their family members, but they kept looking ahead.

It was a magnificent movie, which I highly recommend not only because you’ll enjoy it, but also because it conveys a great message for where we are today as a society. We all wish we had a crystal ball that clearly revealed what would come next for us in our daily lives. We don’t, and it’s a good thing. Life is unpredictable and always will be.

The question is, “How will you react when the unexpected comes?”

We’re on the edge of beginning a New Year. Most of what you read, see, and hear is dripping with disdain, negativity, and divisiveness. “What’s wrong” is the lens that leads most people’s days, regardless of what they’re facing. That is discouraging and could lead to you getting mired down to the point of not moving at all. Even if you choose to be immobile, life continues to move around you.

I think we’d be better off as individuals and as a society if we learned from Lightning and Thunder by pushing forward by first coming together. They realized how much better they were as a duo to tackle what was in front of them than trying to gut things out on their own.

I’m excited about 2026, and I have no idea what will happen. I refuse to succumb to the antagonism and darkness that try to claw for my attention and emotions. I will do all I can to see the best in others, even if they fail me (because I’m sure to fail others myself). I will encourage others to thrive and be there to listen to how life is treating them. I will pursue my passions and make sure to reach out to connect with others any time I can. When something unexpected comes, I’ll pause, assess, and then move forward. That’s how I choose to look ahead !!

To give you just a tiny flavor of the film, here’s a deep cut Neil Diamond hit they played. Just phenomenal !!

It Is Better to Give . . .

. . . to bless those who receive.

I know that’s not the exact quote, but I’d like you to hang with me for a few minutes to explain.

Next year, I will be starting my 40th year as an HR practitioner !! It is so hard to grasp this reality. My career started off with a flair, followed by a failure. I was so fortunate to begin my HR journey at a Fortune 100 company. They’ve been successful for almost 190 years. The challenge of my first role didn’t involve what I did; it was in regards to the culture. Now, you have to remember that when I started in HR, no one talked about company culture. No one. You were expected to go to work and accept things as they were. You would have never thought of questioning any aspect of a company’s culture. It was unheard of.

I learned the hard way that since I didn’t do well with conformity, I wasn’t long for this role. After 18 months, when I was presented with an opportunity to leave Cincinnati and move to a rural place and work in a manufacturing company, I chose to leave instead. Did I mention that I was young, arrogant, and narrow-minded at this time in my career ?? Did I also note that I didn’t have another job when I left my first HR job ??

I was sure that people would want to hire me right away because of my education and the experience I had just earned. I mean, it was an entire 18 months !! I was clueless . . . and unemployed. I jumped into the job search process right away. These were the days before the internet existed. I was unsuccessful. I had no nibbles or interviews. The time of my transition only expanded. It started to get pretty stark. I asked my parents for a loan so I could maintain my apartment and pay my bills. I took a part-time job with friends doing landscaping at minimum wage. And, my girlfriend at the time (who has now been my wife for 36 years), stood by my side and bought me groceries. I couldn’t afford even the basics.

To say this experience was humbling doesn’t adequately describe what I was going through. I never thought that I’d be in a place where I would lose everything and not be able to get out of it. I was so grateful for those who gave to help me. I’ve never taken it for granted since.

I was able to find another HR job after 13 months. 13 months. My view on life and work had forever been altered . . . for the better. I now appreciated that I had the ability to work. I was more mindful and thankful for those I worked with. I understood that life could change in a moment, regardless of who you were or what job you held.

Back to today . . .

People are feeling the need to be givers at this time. The challenges in the economy and the recent government shutdown have touched people’s hearts. Giving has grown dramatically. People are willing to give what they can to help others in need. It’s just like when I was in need myself.

Yesterday, I was participating at a Food Drive for a local mission. I’m involved with them as a Board Member, and my wife volunteers there. I only mention this because of an encounter I had at the event. I saw a familiar face as we were talking to people coming to Kroger. He said, “Hey, I see you at the door greeting me and my wife at church !!” I said, “I’m Steve, and you are?” He replied, “I’m Doug. My wife Joyce and I have been coming for a few months. I’d like to do something a little more than this, but I won’t have everything purchased by the time you wrap up here today.”

“No problem,” I stated. “Just bring whatever you’d like to church tomorrow, and I’ll take it from there. I’ll be going to the Mission on Monday afternoon for a meeting, and I’d be glad to take your donation there.” Sunday came, and Doug met me at the door. “Can I put what we got in your car?” he asked.

“Absolutely, I’ll meet you in the back parking lot.” He pulled around, and my jaw hit the ground when I saw what he wanted to give me. The amount of food he and his wife had purchased filled the back of my car !! I thanked Doug profusely and mentioned that what they gave would bless those who would receive it.

This isn’t about how much you do or don’t give. I want to encourage you, though, to be someone who gives regularly. You pick where you want your giving to go. This isn’t only about material items either. We all can give our time as volunteers, people who can serve on boards, or people who can lend a hand to someone in need. I learned first hand about how other’s willingness to give helped me at the time I most needed it.

Your giving will do the same. Take a moment and see what you can do. Choose to move forward and not be idle. Whatever you can do will matter. It is better to give . . .

Lifecycles

I’m sure we all experience ebbs and flows at work and in life in general. We want to hit those peak times and hold onto them fiercely before they slowly wane away. The dry times seem like endless deserts that have no horizon. On top of this, we can run through a range of emotions within moments. Laughter to frustration. Anxiety to assuredness. Loss to joy. Add to all of these shifts and movements a common factor . . . people.

You see, the same constant movements we experience personally are magnified when we add others to our day. You can’t avoid it. Rarely do your peak times match the people you encounter. Everyone is always at different points of a continuum. Within that flow, we are expected to perform and excel individually and as a whole. It’s astonishing that work gets completed and accomplished when you take into account the infinite number of nuances that each person brings to each work situation.

The reason for this descriptive framework is that we effortlessly weave in and out of these waves. Sure, we may crash into a beach or an unseen reef below the surface, but those rarely keep us from moving through whatever we’re hit with. Almost every time . . .

The past two weeks have been challenging at work because we have experienced six deaths that were connected to our company. Two were recent retirees who had decades of service with us. One was a franchise owner who built and sustained a community tradition. And, three were immediate family members of current team members.

I share this for context. One aspect of being an HR professional for my entire career is that I get the privilege of going to funerals, visitations, memorial services, and celebrations of life. It’s never easy. It is always emotional. I was able to attend three of these recently, and one will soon be scheduled. The other two occurred before I knew they happened.

This isn’t common to have so many people passing in this short span of time. It was eye-opening because it caused me to reflect on a few observations.

The first is this. It’s an honor to be a part of someone’s life and to take the time to see them when they experience a loss. To be able to share a few kind words, shed some tears, and give hugs of support is priceless. To let them know you’re there for them genuinely is the most human HR can ever be.

Secondly, we know very little about each other’s lives. Even though we’re together for many hours each week, we have surface-level relationships with most people. This isn’t a right or wrong statement. It’s just a fact. If we asked people, they would tell you that the majority of people are positive connections. We may know where people live, how many people are in their immediate families, and a few of their personal interests. It is human enough for us to be okay.

Thirdly, we don’t know that many people. When I’ve attended the gatherings to remember these wonderful lives, the rooms are filled with countless people whom I’ve never met. We generally feel that we have a significant number of others in our lives. It’s true when you consider family members, neighbors, past classmates throughout the years, and professional contacts. Even with that, you enter a funeral home or a church, and the majority of people attending are unfamiliar to you.

All of these observations brought me to a new conclusion. I have always thought that HR has the opportunity to be involved in an employee’s lifecycle – the time they’re recruited until the time they leave your company. These time periods could be short or extremely long. The new conclusion I have is that the lifecycle doesn’t end when people leave. It also includes being there when people’s personal lifecycle ends.

It’s been a sobering reminder that even though I may not know everyone I work with at some deep level, I can still provide an approachable, warm, caring, and understanding human connection for them on a daily basis. None of us knows when the transition of life will come. Therefore, we can’t waste one moment getting swallowed by the various ups and downs of how we feel about each other.

I think it’s more important to let others know you are always in their corner. Remember that you can be someone who provides consistency and hopefully a regular positive impact in their lives. This week, slow down the waves of highs and lows. Take time to be intentional. Make a lasting difference in the lifecycles of everyone you encounter. In the end, they’ll impact yours as well !!

Game Night

We have been experiencing a historical period of rainfall in Cincinnati, Ohio. We have had inches and inches of rain over the past week. That has led to staying indoors because you really don’t have a choice. All we have been doing is literally watching the grass grow !!

Like many families, we spend too much time on screens. It doesn’t matter if it’s a laptop, a phone or a TV. Images and sounds are constantly bombarding us rendering us nearly immobile. Sure, our brains are being stimulated, but our bodies are stuck in a constant state of being sedentary. I’m not making these observations to be judgmental. Far from it. I enjoy screen time as much as anyone. However, it also loses its luster.

A fellow couple gave us a ring because they were feeling trapped in their house as well. They asked if we wanted to go to music trivia at our local watering hole on Friday. We had made plans to go to a small group potluck on Friday that included some games to be played, so we had to pass. We really wanted to see them so we asked what they were doing Saturday. They were geeked to come over then, so Debbie and I started planning.

We threw together a crockpot of Kickin’ Chicken Chili which has become a family favorite. We also planned to have cornbread muffins to soak up the chili, and topped off the dinner with a batch of homemade monster cookies !! When Todd and Kristy rang the doorbell, Debbie and I were grateful to see our friends.

Dinner was filled with laughter and slow, unhurried conversation. We always enjoy our time with our friends. Before we broke out the homemade cookies, we all gathered around our dining room table for a rousing game of dominoes. Playing Mexican Train is a family tradition for my side of the family. We have a set of dominoes and we’ve purchased sets for our daughter and son. We’ve even bought them and given them as wedding presents. They’re a hit with everyone !! On top of this, my uncle is a master woodworker. He made trays to hold the dominoes which we love to use.

Now, you need to realize that if you play a full game of dominoes, you had better not have any additional plans. To get through all of the rounds, you end up playing the game for two to three hours. We completed a full game on Saturday night and didn’t feel we had been together for such an extended period of time.

Slowing down, disconnecting from screens, and relishing time with friends always leaves us refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on whatever comes the following day. When you remember that we were wired to be curious and play as humans, then game nights like this seem natural. In fact, you get the urge to have them more often because they are so much more fulfilling than just taking in a streaming series.

What’s key to this game night (and the ones that are sure to be planned in the future) is that we had time to do it. Hours of time !! All of the multiple distractions that try to vie for our attention are still present, but they are pushed away to allow you to breathe and enjoy the time you have instead.

This week, get in touch with some friends. Open the closet or visit the shelf you have that is crammed full of games. Pull a few out and start playing. I plan to have more friends visit as we continue to play more often. Add a dinner, a dessert or even a few drinks. You have the time. You always have. Use that time to play during your game night !!

It’s A Small World

I’m honestly just getting back into the swing of things back home. My wife and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary by taking the Grand European River Cruise through Viking. To describe it as spectacular wouldn’t even begin to capture how incredible this experience was. We completely disconnected from our regular work lives and stayed off social media. For two-plus weeks we spent time together and explored the world. We both took enough pictures to last us a lifetime, but we didn’t want to miss any moment.

I was particularly excited about taking this adventure because of the size of the cruise. Unlike the ocean behemoths that dwarf the ports they dock in, a Viking river boat is long, sleek, and has three floors of rooms. There’s a sun deck that runs the length of the boat on the “top” of the vessel. That means this limits the number of people who can sail. Our boat had 180 passengers and 52 crew members. I had a goal to try and meet everyone on the boat and I came pretty close. I wasn’t overt. I didn’t chase people down. In the end, I knew a good portion of the crew and 80+ people who sailed with us. That worked for me and stretched Debbie which she handled seamlessly.

Every day we disembarked for a walking tour with new groups of people. It was a great way to learn about each port city. One of the cities had a star by it – Nuremberg, Germany. The reason for this is that I was born there !! I had not been back since I was six months old. Every city was fantastic in its own way, but I especially enjoyed spending the day in Nuremberg.

The next day, I learned just how small the world truly is. We were venturing through Wurzberg, Germany and someone from the boat said, “Have you met the other person who was born in Nuremberg?” “What ??” I exclaimed. “No, I didn’t know there was anyone else.” We were pausing in front of a very cool modern sculpture when a gentleman came up to me with his hand extended.

“Hi there, I’m Steve. I hear we have a few things in common !!” It turns out we had a ton in common. Steve’s father was in the Army and based in Nuremberg, and so was mine. He was born in the base hospital and stayed in the city for six months before his father was transferred. So did I !! Steve was born in 1960 and I was born in 1964. The whole encounter was surreal.

It was his first time to return to Germany, and it was also mine. When you think of the odds of this chance meeting occurring, it’s staggering. Two men born over sixty years ago happen to be on the same river cruise and get to see their birthplace. It was a joy to meet Steve and his wife, Hilda, who now live in Wisconsin.

During this entire trip, my eyes were opened to how small the world is. On top of meeting the other Steve, Debbie and I were walking through Cologne, Germany, and saw two former neighbors of ours from West Chester, Ohio (where we live) who were also on a Viking river cruise. In fact, their boat was tethered to ours at the dock in Cologne !!

You never know how life is going to present itself. You need to be observant and aware of whatever comes. It was so wonderful to have one great experience after another during this trip. Half a world away paths cross. I shouldn’t be surprised because we all know – it’s a small world after all !!

On Being a Dad . . .

It’s Father’s Day.

I know taking a day to recognize fathers may not bring up the best sentiments or memories for people. Whenever I hear of someone who didn’t, or currently doesn’t, have a good relationship with their father it’s hard. It’s also a shame because a healthy father/child relationship is the best. Please know that I genuinely ache when I hear someone hasn’t had a healthy relationship with their father. I know a multitude of reasons, decisions, and actions can be the cause for this to occur. I don’t dare to try to comprehend what this has meant to people.

What I would like to share though is something more encouraging and positive. I’ve been very fortunate to have had two dads in my life. My biological dad was wonderful but I only knew him for the first four years of my life because he passed away when he was 24 years old. My second dad entered my life when I was at the challenging age of 13. He was wonderful since the time he married my mom and was for 44 years until he passed in 2020.

I have been a father for 30+ years now and I’m genuinely more grateful and excited now to have this opportunity than when it first occurred. My two kids are becoming fascinating adults and I’m grateful they want both myself and my wife in their lives. I don’t take it for granted because I don’t want to miss a moment of the adventures they’re taking.

I grew up around a dad who was always present. It was such a powerful image and model when I experienced his support, encouragement, discipline, advice, and direction just by having him in the activities I was involved in. His visibility spoke louder than any feedback or critique I’d receive. I would look out into the audience or stands just to make sure he was there. I’ve followed that model and have done all I can to be present for both of my kids when they were young and even more so now that they’re out on their own.

When I look at the time I’ve been a dad, my kids and I have surely had ups, downs, challenges, arguments, and times to ask each other for forgiveness. I’ve tried to be a dad who doesn’t put on airs, or show a different face at work, home, or in the community. I’ve wanted my kids to see the power of being humble, honest, fun, and vulnerable. Each day I know I’m going to be watched for how I talk, treat others, and react in various situations.

If I could share a list of what I hope they get from me being their dad, it would be this:

I want them to know that I am a man of faith who believes in the best of others.

I want them to know that people are worth my time, attention, and empathy.

I want them to know I will fail. When I do, I want them to see how I face failure and work through it.

More than anything, I want them to know how grateful I am to be their dad. My life wouldn’t be nearly as full without them.

I want them to know I will be there for them regardless of what life brings. They have my love forever.

I love being a dad. It’s the greatest job I will ever get to do !!

The 1st Pitch

On Sunday, I had both a life-affirming and a life-changing moment. I went to the Cincinnati Reds game to see a dear friend throw out the 1st pitch. Now, if you’re a sports fan at all, this is a bucket list item for most men. We grow up watching games and fantasize about taking the mound in front of a packed stadium waiting to “bring it” with a strike right across the plate.

Getting to see a friend have this opportunity would have been reason enough to go to the game. The story about the amazing man and his current situation makes it even more substantial. John and I have known each other for several years. Our kids are all around the same age, and we saw each other at school events from elementary school through high school. We were both also adult leaders in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. Two of his sons were in the Troop where I was Scoutmaster for a few years and I loved seeing them and getting to spend time with John. On top of our paths crossing at school and scouting, John’s family lives a few blocks away from me. We’d see each other wandering around the streets on neighborhood walks and make sure to catch up every time.

John and I are also connected by two other important facets of our lives. We are both men of faith and we have shared how that is a driver of who we are as humans because it easily melded with our shared profession. You see, John and I are peers who both work in HR.

So, when I received the sobering news in 2022 that my friend had been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), I was floored. It was hard for me to come to terms with this because John is one of the most approachable, friendly, encouraging, thoughtful, funny, and loving people I know. To receive the news of having a terminal disease ran contrary to the life that John willingly exudes with all he encounters.

The game on Sunday was to recognize Lou Gehrig Day throughout Major League Baseball. John shared several months ago that he was going to be the person throwing out the 1st pitch on this day. Everyone in the neighborhood who knows the family made plans to make sure they were there to watch and support John. A few weeks ago, John posted that his legs had been weakening as his condition progressed. I was wondering and praying that he’d be healthy enough to complete his dream.

As I entered the stadium with my daughter and family friends, Melanie said,
“There’s Mr. Barlow !!” I looked over and saw Ann and the kids (now adults) all huddled together and John in his wheelchair. I left my crew to go over in the hope of seeing him. I caught Ann’s attention first and gave her a rich hug. I worked over to John and his face lit up, as it does with everyone, when he saw me.

“Steve !! Just a second.” He slowly reached down and folded the footrest up and he stood. His arms spread wide and we embraced deeply and held each other. He leaned back and said, “I love you. You need to know that.”

I told him I loved him too, and how glad I was to see him and be there for the big event. He told me his plan was to shake off the sign that his son Thomas was going to give him before throwing his pitch. I told him that was perfect and I couldn’t wait to see it. John thanked me for coming and even said, “I knew you’d be here.”

I grabbed his hand tightly one more time, walked away, and wept. He didn’t see it and I know he wouldn’t have minded if he did. John has seen me weep often when talking about, or with, people I care for. My daughter knew I was going to be emotional. We went down to our seats and had a first-row view of John.

The stadium announcer gave a warm introduction of John and his family and he eagerly drove his wheelchair up to the top of the pitcher’s mound with two of his three sons. His third son took his place as catcher. The crowd was on their feet cheering with all they had. John stood, bent over to get his sign, shook it off, stood mightily, and threw the pitch. It made its way to home plate and was spot on. The cheers were resounding even louder for him after the pitch !!

He made his way off the field and the first thing he did was hug his wife Ann. He waved to the friends and family who came to see him succeed. The whole scenario couldn’t have been more perfect.

We stayed for the game and the Reds lost to the dreaded Cubs, but that didn’t seem to matter. Being there for my friend did.

John doesn’t know how many more days he’ll have of good health or even life. Honestly, neither do we. We do, however, have the ability to choose how we will face this life for the time we have it. I want to choose life as John has. In the midst of all he’s facing, he is upfront with his faith, present for his family, shares gratitude for every experience he has, and looks for the best in everyone. It’s not a show or an act. It’s who he is.

As I said at the beginning of this piece, today was life-affirming because of the time I had to talk with my dear friend before his adventure. It was also life-changing because it gave me perspective on how life can be full, rich, meaningful, and unapologetically filled with love and joy.

May that be true for anyone who reads this. Embrace life. Embrace each other. Weep at times. Laugh always. Each day has meaning. Make that happen on purpose and take the mound !!